Secret smile

14

Meredith should probably be sleeping. She was pretty sure she was still a little drunk and she should be trying to sleep it off. But she wanted to savour this. The sex had been good, the sex had been amazing and now Derek's big strong arm was wrapped tightly around her, as he breathed deeply in his sleep. This felt really amazing. She didn't usually let them cuddle but this felt amazing.

When she had gone to the bar tonight, she had definitely had the thought to pick some guy up for some random sex to feel better. That had been the plan. But the plan hadn't involved picking up Derek. She hadn't wanted to pick up Derek. Or she had, but not now. But then she had. She had picked him up and they had had sex three times and now his arms were around her and she felt...safe or something. She liked Derek. She actually liked Derek. And she had no idea what that was supposed to mean or what she was supposed to do about it because she liked him in a way she hadn't liked a guy since high school. She had no idea what to do next but she liked being in his arms. And the whole sad eyes thing had to factor in and she probably shouldn't think about it all right now. It was three o'clock in the morning, Derek was naked behind her, and she was naked in his arms. Trying to figure everything out when she was also slightly drunk didn't make sense. But it kept going through her head. She liked him. She actually liked him. She had always been attracted to him, and he was nice and funny and he seemed to get her and...she liked Derek Shepherd. Really liked him.

She had no idea if he liked her. She was pretty sure he liked her but he wasn't sure he liked her like her or what. They were kind of friends or something and he always looked happy when he saw her so, he might like her. And the sex had been amazing. He had definitely liked the sex but this was confusing. The whole liking a boy thing seemed very confusing. Meredith Grey didn't do the liking a boy thing. She didn't like cuddling with them, she didn't like thinking about letting them stay for breakfast, and she definitely didn't like when they wrapped their entire bodies around her. But this...with Derek, it was different. She didn't want him to leave. Which was weird. They had been bumping into each other for a couple months now, and now he was here and she didn't want him to leave.

She could probably just ask him to stay. Not that it was an option right now, but it would be and she just wanted to tell him they could stay. They could have slow sex in the morning before work and maybe eat. She was pretty sure she had bagels or something and she could make him coffee. And they could sit and eat and talk about what people that liked other people talked about. Usually, she would be freaking out. She'd be tense and scared and wanting to call Cristina to ask what to do. But instead, she was comfortable in Derek's arms and wanted to stay like this. She wanted to do this a lot, not just a few times. This was weird. It was weird and she was probably just drunk, but she couldn't get over how good she felt in Derek's arm, how safe and happy she felt.

Everything just felt good right now, Derek felt good. Except his breathing had changed into something a little faster and he was now shaking slightly. She had no idea what was going on but his arm was tightening around her and he was trembling ever so slightly and then he moaned. It wasn't the moan she had heard earlier, it was full of pain and other stuff.

"Der?" she murmured, turning over quickly in his arms to look at him. There was sweat on his forehead and his entire face seemed to tense sharply.

"Hmmm..." he groaned, shaking his head quickly.

"Derek," Meredith said a little louder, sitting up and putting her hand on his naked shoulder as his body started to tremble harder. "Derek."

"A...Amy," he gasped, his body shaking harder and harder. "Amy...Sarah."

"No, Der," she murmured. "I...Derek..."

"No...no...no..." he whispered.

"You're...it's okay," she said carefully. "You're okay. Derek."