Renegade

Epilogue

“I enjoyed reading your book reviews for Hector and the Search for Happiness. And of course, you know the drill. We will ponder on the novel for today.”

Tumayo ako sa harapan ng klase habang ang bawat isa ay hawak ang kaniya-kaniyang mga reviews. A gentle smile was pasted on my lips as I start our today's English lesson.

And for the featured novel we will discuss, it's a French novel translated in many languages entitled 'Hector and the Search for Happiness'.

“I would like to ask for anyone's opinion regarding our protagonist, Hector.”

I watched my English class full of fourteen-year-old high school students collectively avoided my gaze after I threw that question. For almost nine years of teaching, I just knew this is a classic reaction from students once the teacher asked the question.

“Anyone?” tanong kong muli bago inabot ang mga index cards nila para tumawag ng pangalan kung sakaling walang maglalakas loob na sumagot.

I smiled when someone raised her hand. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kopya ko ng nobelang dini-discuss namin ngayon as her unusual deep set of eyes pierced through me.

Of course I called her and the rest of the class collectively sighed and eased their tensed posture. Cute high schools.

“Hector is a frustrating character,” my student answered, showing a complete annoyance in her face as she pursed her lips. “Defining happiness and trying to find it are two insane ideas to come up with. Just like love, happiness is abstract and also subjective. Searching for such thing will only lead to surface answers but will never achieve the deeper point.”

“But don't you think we are all Hector? We are all searching for that happiness throughout this life. Is that a bad thing to do?”

She immediately nodded without even blinking. That made me smile even more as I stare at her familiar heterochromic eyes.

“My mother never told me she's happy but every time she will ask me if I am happy, I will tell her that I am not sure. Then, she will say, don't search for happiness because it'll make you more unhappy.” She innocently looked at me and I couldn't help but to remember the man I know with the same peculiar orbs, “I think what my mother's advice is exactly the conclusion in this novel, Ma'am. If Hector stop looking for happiness, he will start feeling it rather than just knowing it.”

This is one thing I enjoy in teaching; getting a glimpse of what is inside young minds. Isang kalokohan iyong paniniwala na walang matutunan ang nakakatanda sa mga bata. Because clearly, I could testify that there are things that only the young ones can comprehend. Take example of the concept of happiness.

“Lili’s opinion is actually what most critics of the book said about this novel. They said that listing definitions of happiness and situations that can make people happy throughout Hector's adventure made the concept of happiness shallow. Like mere decorations you see in the living room. They said the book failed to recognize what happiness means in the background of a person's life and only focused with what happiness is for sad people.”

Silence took over my class as I watched how everyone frown their foreheads. Napangiti ako bago ibinaba ang librong hawak ko.

There are so much I can tell these young kids about happiness based on my experience. But I don't think it is right for me to impose my experience to them when they will obviously experience a different thing.

So, instead, I gave them a simple advice to conclude our short class.

“Anyway, thank you so much Lili for your very good answer. I guess you enjoyed the novel. Your eyes were sparkling.”