Renegade

Chapter 15

Pinakatitigan ko ang sarili ko sa harap ng salamin. I felt awkward on how I looked and dressed up today. I was not fond of wearing makeup but today I made an effort to study how to properly apply them on my face. I straightened my hair and I bought a three-inch heels to wear today.

"I look different," I murmured staring at my reflection. Napalunok pa ako bago napangiwi nang bumaba ang tingin sa kabuuan kong suot.

I was really not sure if I should go to Alex's house today wearing this— I mean, this is not so me. Pero gusto ko siyang i-surprise ngayong monthsary namin.

Siya ang first boyfriend ko... So, valid naman siguro na gusto kong mag-effort at gusto kong i-celebrate ang first month namin. Hindi ko ini-expect pati na rin ng mga taong nakapligid sa amin sa school na tatagal kaming dalawa. Everyone was literally telling he would find another woman to replace me because Alex only want sex. Pero mali sila. Alex never asked me to do it; he always said he is okay to wait whenever I am ready. And he likes it that we takes things slow.

We actually decided to enjoy the dating, the getting-to-know stage, and sharing of our thoughts and emotions with each other. Alex really exceeded my expectations... He was, "the best boyfriend," I said on my reflection before nodding at myself.

With that, the hesitation was gone. Mas na-appreciate ko ang itsura ko ngayon. For the first time in my life, I can tell to myself that I look beautiful... And sexy.

I was wearing a fit and slim black dress, reaching an inch above my thighs. Sleeveless 'yon at hapit sa damit ko. My cleavage was showing and for the first time, I liked my petite body frame because of my evident collar bone.

"Sana magustuhan ni Alex ang ayos ko." Pinractice ko pa ang ngiti ko sa salamin; 'yung sexy na inviting. "Kung ano-ano na lang, Clarisse!"

Napailing na lang ako sa mga kalokohang pumapasok sa isip ko. Kinuha ko ang denim jacket mula sa kama ko at isinuot iyon. Sa dorm na lang ni Alex ko huhubarin 'yung jacket.

I heaved a very deep sigh before I checked my appearance on the mirror for one last time. Then, kinuha ko na ang cake at regalo na inihanda ko para sa araw na 'to.

Today is the day I decided to do it— I wanted to give ny virginity to Alex. Sabi ng ibang ka-org ko hindi raw nakakatuwa na never na-bring up ni Alex ang tungkol sa sex sa isang buwan naming relasyon lalo na kung ibabase sa mga nakaraan niyang relasyon.

Noong una, wala lang sa akin 'yung sinasabi nila pero nitong nakaraang linggo, naisip ko 'yung point nila. I suddenly get disappointed over myself. Naisip ko na baka hindi na-bring up ni Alex dahil hindi niya ako nakikita na kasing attractive ng mga naging karelasyon niya.

That's when I started to get paranoid. What if Alex really does not find me attractive in that way?

So, I knew I had to do something.

"Ilaban mo 'to, Clarisse," I cheered myself before I exit my room.

Nadaanan ko si Mama sa may kusina. She just bid me goodbye and reminded me to stay safe. Nagpaalam ako sa kaniya na mag-o-overnight kami ni Garnet sa bahay ng ka-org namin. Pumayag sila ni Papa kasi kasama ko si Garnet.

I forgot to tell Garnet that I used her as an alibi so I made a mental note to text her once I reached Alex's dorm. For sure tatawagan siya nila Mama.

I was half nervous and half excited for today. Gusto kong ma-surprise si Alex at the same time, kinakabahan ako kung sakaling matutuloy nga kami ni Alex sa kama. I could not help to think about the things we would do.

My cheeks heated when my brain started giving me scenarios of Alex and me on the bed.

I fanned my face and shook my head. My hormones and libido were really something ever since my mind was introduced things about sex and having sex. Thanks to Sir Zaragosa's video.