Therapy Session [Completed]

One Step at a Time

When I walked through those doors, I wish I was back in my bed. I had a coffee in my hands from Starbucks but no amount of caffeine was going to save me from this day.

I couldn't turn down Mrs. Janet though cause she's trying to help, even though I don't see any help in progress but I couldn't tell her no.

Not sure what Miss Arianna had for me today but let's just hope I don't fall asleep.

Taking a sip from my coffee, I walked into the room and saw her sitting at the desk.

When she saw me, she smiled before standing up as I went to my usual spot and sat down.

"Good morning, Morgan."

Nodding, I took another sip as she made her way over towards me. I saw her sit down in the chair across from me, watching me as I was sipping my coffee.

"How are you this morning?"

"Tired."

She nods. "I understand."

"Why am I here so early and on the day I'm not suppose to be here?"

I saw her lean back in the chair. "I've been talking to Mrs. Janet and figured that we can talk about some things today. I'm just trying to better understand you, Morgan. I know you only come in four times a week but I figured one day wouldn't hurt."

Looking at her, I sipped my coffee before holding it in my lap. "Ok. What did you want to talk about?"

She smiles before standing up and walking to her desk. I saw her grab the pad of paper before walking back towards me and sitting down.

"I want to talk about how your mood is everyday. Are there good days?"

"Most of the time."

She nods before writing something down.

"How would you describe your good days?"

"I don't know. Some days are better than others. I'll wake up a little earlier and not want to die."

When I said this, I saw her look at me. I could see something in her eyes before she clears her throat and looks back down.

"I want to ask you something but if it triggers you then I won't." I nod as I watch her look up at me. "Have you had any suicidal thoughts?"

"All the time."

She looks at me for a moment before looking down at her paper then back up at me. "Have you harmed yourself in any way?"

"No recently. Only when my head is noisy as shit and the thoughts won't go away."

"When was the last time?"

I leaned back and thought for a moment. "A few weeks ago."

I watch as she was writing something down before looking back at me. Then saw her eyes traveled down and to my arms, which was what seemed like she was looking at.

I sometimes wear a sweater or hoodie cause it's comfortable but it was too hot today so I wore a short sleeve.

"How long have you had those tattoos?"

Looking down at my arms, I looked at my tattoos before looking back up at her. "Since I was sixteen." I saw her smile before looking down at the paper.

"Let me ask you this.. what's your coping mechanism when you're starting to have those thoughts?"

"I don't have one. I usually just do it instead of thinking of ways not to."

"You said those thoughts make you do it.. what thoughts?"