SILHOUETTE

Chapter 12 [TW]

Trigger Warning : blood , mention of sexual assault, depression

***

February 2023

Time healed wounds least that's what stories and the media told everybody. Everyone told Simone to take her time and not rush back into working. It was really the only way she knew how to move on. She would always throw herself into her work except this time - she couldn't. No amount of painting and art museum visits was going to fix the internal damage. It was an exhausting endless cycle of nightmares , restless nights and barely functioning.

She felt like a walking zombie just waiting on her world to continue crashing down. Isolation wasn't her strong suit , she loved her friends and her family. She had taken a leave of absence but it almost didn't matter, the school year was flying by anyway. Day in and day out , it felt like she was losing a piece of herself. She didn't know how many times she debated with the razor blade. She couldn't bring herself to do it and instead cried on the bathroom floor after forcing Jordan to return to work.

Amara kept pushing for her return to Atlanta. Everyone was trying in their own little way to fix her.  Nobody could do that but Simone herself and just talking to a therapist didn't feel like it was cutting it. She wanted so badly to cut all ties with Jordan then maybe he would stop blaming himself for what happened. Maybe she should've looked deeper into his past to be more self aware.

Simone had decided to quietly check herself into a treatment facility. She had only told the whereabouts to her parents so they wouldn't panic on why she was off the grid. She had hoped that in a three months time , Jordan would forget she existed. She sat in the office of her new therapist. She had weekly sessions , the techniques given were working better than the first therapist. She felt more comfortable - the therapist looked like her. A rarity in almost every business.

"How are you feeling today Simone?" Dr. Tamrya Anderson asked.

"Okay I guess, I finished the book you suggested and painted a little."

She didn't want to ramble about how much she missed her students or how much she felt like she didn't know if she would ever return to feeling normal. She had dealt with depression before but this felt like a whole new scale. She couldn't manage it on her own like she was used too.

"That's wonderful. Reading takes you to another place right?"

"I mean , I guess. It helps for a little while to forget then as silly as it sounds, I find myself wondering what Jordan is doing and if he is happy." Simone hoped he was.

He stuck around seeing her at her worst. He moved her into his place for a while , helped her find a place that was closer to his. Even the school and the parents of her students pitched in to get her a new car. Yet, she still didn't get why everyone was so generous. Maybe it was the lack of parenting from her workaholic parents. She practically raised herself and depended on only herself.

Sure, she had her aunt and her friends but at the end of day - Simone still felt like she had herself.
Simone always had control of her mental state until it felt like she didn't. She was with other people that felt the same or worse than her. Her heart ached for them but she still kept to herself at the end of the day. She was looking forward to the day that she would be able to move on.

"Any more nightmares?"

"Sometimes but I've been focusing on breathing and meditation more." Which she was thankful for.

Her dreams got a little too vivid. She was positive she had one in which Jordan had moved on to Layla after all and that felt like a horror film. Meanwhile, Jordan sat with his mother opposite of JP Keating. He clenched and unclenched his jaw not paying much attention.