A Sound from the Moon

Ten

I feel like puking again. I don't eat much in the morning. But no one really notices since they all have the same vibe there is when school starts. They all get ready and prepare to go to the place where I will be judged. The place where they can break me. Where they can take off the blindfold and make me realize this is not what I was meant to do.

I wish I could call my mother. I want to hear her voice. It always comforts me. But I don't bother her anymore. I know she gets really exhausted every time they change her medicine.

I let out a soft breath through my nose as I look out the window in the car. They're all pretty quiet. Some of them do small conversations. My worried mind starts to whisper to me and I barely hear Wendy say, "The little one is so quiet."

I'm slapped out of my nervous thoughts and I look at Joy and Wendy next to me. Seulgi slightly turns to look at me and then smiles.

"You'll do great," Joy says. "Trust me. It's not that bad."

I nod and look back at the window. I hear Wendy gently say, "Why are you nervous, little one? You did so well at your audition."

I clear my throat and say, "I'm scared that I won't be good enough."

"What is that kind of talk?" Seulgi now says. "You are more than enough. They will all see what we saw."

"What if I'm not good enough for them?" I say. "It'll all be for nothing. I'll go back to my mother without anything to give her. She'll grow sad and then she'll get worse and it'll all be my fault!"

My heart begins to race as a mental panic attack starts. Wendy's eyes grow wide at my words and she takes my hand. "Okay. You need to breathe. I'm sure your mother is so proud of you no matter what happens."

Irene quickly looks at the rear view mirror and then says, "After your training, we will all go out for something sweet. What do you say?"

I nod and Wendy puts an arm around me. "Don't worry," she now says in English. "We got your back all the way through." I find comfort in her words and I let her bring me closer to her with a smile.

I long for her hold when I am separated from them. They give me a small wave and sweet smiles. I feel okay until I can no longer see them.

Focus. Get it together.

We are in a large room with many other people stretching or warming up their voices. I try to look for any of the members but the sound of a man walking in interrupts my search.

"Alright, guys! Pleasure having you all here today. You are all the chosen bunch. We'll start with observing each technique this week for you all. This way we can see where to work on with each of you."

The man takes out a clipboard and marks names as his thin curls fall on his forehead. He comes up to me and says, "You are the newest member of Red Velvet?"

I give him a quiet nod and he does a smile. "They were the best in my group when they were each trainees. If they chose you then I'm assuming you're going to be the best in the group as well."

I give him a tight smile and swallow down my nerves. Not only do I have to be the best but I have to be good enough to be a Red Velvet member. I can never be as good as them.

My knees want to buckle but I decide to just lean on the wall to wait for instructions. A lot of people here are as shy as I am or too cocky. I look at a group of guys laughing and cackling at some girls passing by. They fool around and I lightly roll my eyes. As I turn to see the man starting to assign partners, my eyes catch a glimpse of familiar faces. The first person I see is Wendy. She has her feet up on the seat in front of her but Irene gently slaps it down.

I can't help but smile widely and my heart eases. I give them a small wave and Joy is the first to see me. She happily waves back and gestures at the rest to look at me. They all find me and their happiness spread across their faces when they return my wave.

"Alright." The man approaches me with one of the cocky guys. He was the quietest one of their group but still did smirks. "This will be your partner."

I give him a small smile and the guy's eyes shine as they scan my body. I ignore the uncomfortable feeling and listen to the instructor tell us that we'll start with dance techniques this week. I let out a small sigh of relief. Dancing is my strongest ability. Thank God this week will go smoothly.

A woman comes into the room and starts to tell us she is a choreographer. I carefully listen to her until my partner leans in to whisper, "I'm Dan. You?"

I give him a side look and quietly say, "Yerim."

"I heard you're with Red Velvet. Big leagues. I hope you do well here."

I keep my eyes forward to watch the choreography we will eventually have to perform with our partners. I let out a sigh when I hear him ask me something else. I give him a small smile and say, "We have to watch so we can do well."

"I bet you don't need to even see. You must be real good at this if you're with Red Velvet. You don't need this training."

I don't respond back and prefer to just continue listening. My eyes catch the members quietly talking and looking at the choreography.

I have to be just like them. I must be good. Do my best.

So I pay close attention to the dance. I do every move perfectly when we practice just a few times. Dan is actually pretty good. It sucks that he has a right to be cocky. I don't exchange a lot of conversation with him. I try to keep him focused.

Finally, the time to perform in front of everyone comes. A lot of the people here are really good. There are some groups that cheer from the audience chairs. The members are just quietly giving off comments amongst each other and watching closely.

"Yerim and Dan."

The moment the instructor says this, the members cheer and I let their voices relieve my nerves. Dan does a small chuckle next to me as we step towards the middle. "You guys seem very close already."

I stay quiet. I block out the world as the song begins to play. I'm back when I was home relieving all stress. I dance among the streets and hallways filled with the sick. I shut the doors of smirks and people that can stab my heart.

I let my heart dance instead.

Before I know it, the section of that song is over and I'm left breathless. People whisper and have nod in approval. My heart races until I hear the members cheer even louder. I look around at their surprised faces as the choreographer goes up to the man to ask for our names. I'm a bit confused as to why there is some commotion until Dan softly says in my ears, "We are the best dancers here. We've impressed them all."

My eyes are wide as I realize the awe in everyone's faces. Dan gives smirks and winks but I look back at my group. Wendy is proudly telling other groups that I am part of their group. Seulgi is cheering loudly while Joy gives me a small heart with her thumb and forefinger. Irene watches me with a proud smile and gives me a thumbs up.

My heart soars for the first time in a long time. It's like I could fly and float away with the singing birds. I want to jump up and down as the instructor comes up to me at the end and tells me that he sees potential in me.

"Looks like we won't see much of you here. You'll be on stage before you know it."