A Sound from the Moon

Thirty Seven

I couldn't sleep last night because of nerves and Chan. I kept turning in bed and frowning. Why must I be this way? The members were sound asleep and for a moment, I longed for my mother. So I quietly called her in the living room and heard her voice.

"Yerimah...You will be fine."

"I'm scared, mom. There will be judges there. Our manager asked me to really do well because immediately after I finish training, we will start doing two more music videos and have a world tour with the first album complete!"

A sudden panic attack started to make my hands tremble. I quietly took small breaths as I heard my mother say, "Yerimah. Get it together. You've achieved this far. Focus and do your best. You know I can't tolerate nervous people."

I took a shaky breath as I whispered, "I'm sorry, mom. Hopefully after the tour I can get the money for the surgery. I promise, mom. You won't be in pain anymore. Just give me more time. Hold on for me."

Her silence brought tears to my eyes and I was reminded of the night Chan stood silent in front of me. I silently sobbed in the silhouette of the moonlight through the large balcony window. I wished for that warm hug I get from Chan. Those sweet eyes I get from the members that bring back hope to my weary heart. But I didn't get it that night. All I got was silence until the next morning.

I feel like puking. I couldn't eat breakfast no matter how much Irene insisted. I wanted to hide and bury deep under the earth. What am I even doing here? The last time I practiced with Dan, he doubted my talent. He said he's seen so many people quit with the same attitude I had. He could see right through my exhaustion but it wasn't very nice like it is with the members.

His words twirl around in my head as I look out the window of the car. Wendy is about to get a car herself with the help of Taecyeon. He is a lot like Wendy. I learn something new from them and they always seem to surprise me with the hidden knowledge they have about things. But I can't be excited for the new car or Wendy's story of the last coffee date she had with Taecyeon.

Nerves twist my insides all the way to the changing room. The members don't have much time to give me any words of encouragement. They only give me quick hugs and a good luck. I approach Dan and see that arrogant shine on his dark eyes. I've learned that he has a right to be like this. He is so talented. He doesn't have a reason to be as nervous as I am.

I ignore his cocky whispers in my ears and stand behind the window as groups start performing. My eyes look for any familiar eyes in the seats high above, but I can't even find the members.

Focus.

My mother's words resonate as I step out with Dan. We get in position as his friend gets ready at the piano. I look up one last time for a glimpse of hope and I finally find them. My family. The only people that have carried my heart with such gentleness. They wave at me and give me thumbs up. I smile at their shining eyes until the world stops at the sight of a boy holding a tray of coffees in the back.

The world fades away when he locks eyes with me and gives me his sweet smile. And just like that, the nerves float away as I start to dance and pretend Chan is the one dancing with me. My heart holds onto Chan as I hold onto Dan. I fly with Dan but my heart soars to the light coming from Chan among the shadows. Though this is not the spotlight of a stage, he is my spotlight.

It all turns quiet when I finish and find his eyes shining bright with pride as I bow.

We were the last group. We were the breakthrough for a standing ovation. I run to the members and give them tight hugs when the instructor personally comes to tell me that my training has officially come to an end after almost six months of hard work. It's almost as if a heavy weight has fallen from my shoulders when I shake his hand goodbye. Joy hugs me once again with happy tears and I hear Seulgi say, "Let's celebrate with strawberry ice cream!"

"But it's so cold!" Irene says wrapping her arms around herself under her coat. "Are you crazy?"

They begin to discuss what's the best way to celebrate in the mist of October winds, but they fade away again when Chan comes out of the shadows. He gives me a warm hug with his free hand. My heart melts away and I close my eyes when peace finally overwhelms me. Exhaustion melts away as he whispers, "You looked beautiful out there, Yeri..."

"Thank you for coming, Chan. It means so much to me that you're here."

You don't know how much I need you.

I don't even realize how much my heart longs for him to hold it as he pulls away and looks through his pocket.

"I know you'll be celebrating with your friends so let me make it quick so I don't take much of your time."

He could never take up my time because time freezes when I'm with him. I ignore the members approaching us as I watch Chan take out a necklace from his pocket. When my eyes find the small moon at the end of it, I realize then how much I love him. My heart soars as it sings loudly. I scoff as he gently puts the tray down and kindly asks me if he can put it on me.

I don't hesitate as I turn and feel his warm fingers brush against my skin. His whisper sends warm shivers down my spine creating a sizzle in my every vein as he says, "I knew you'd do amazing so I got you a gift. So you can never forget this day. The day Yeri broke through the darkness of her fear and became brighter than the stars for the world to finally see..."

My hand runs down to the moon when I turn back around. It's engraved in my heart forever and my eyes takes a mental picture of that beautiful smile of his when he sees me with the necklace. My eyes land on his chest and there lies the sun. My sun...

I imagine taking one single step forward and finally closing the distance. I want the eclipse to stay forever. I want the world to turn dim around us for a moment. Would it hurt to take a step?

I take a careful step forward and Chan's eyes shine sparkle again. They no longer carry sadness. It's just the way I want them to be. It guides me home as his lips are ready to close the distance.

"Yerim!"

Chan jumps back and I wish I could kill Dan. The noise of the world comes back and I'm suddenly lost. I look around for the members. They've dispersed and left me with Chan. The only one that waits for me at a seat is Irene. She quietly watches me and gives me a small smile when I find her eyes.

Dan then takes my arms and gives me a tight hug. Chan hides again in the shadows as he takes his tray and looks away.

"Yerim! I guess I was wrong. You did well. Let's do this again soon." He takes out a hand for me to shake and I can't look away. I shake it and sigh.

Irene comes to rescue me as she takes my arm. "We have to go."

Dan does a small nod before giving me a smirk and walking off. My eyes land on Chan and he gives me a small wink in the shadows. My heart flutters wishing to be among the shadows rather than in the spotlight this once. I watch him mouth, "Have fun." Suddenly, a group of people passes by and then he's gone.

For once, I smile when someone leaves. They disappear and it's okay because he is like the sun. Chan will always be there when I come back home.