A Sound from the Moon

Forty Four

I've never cried so much in my entire life. Not even when my father left. I sobbed all night. I sobbed all day as I watched the paramedics take my mother away. I had to kneel down and look for breath because my body wanted me to cry even more.

Even if I don't sob anymore, tears come out on their own in my silence. My head hurts as if it's going to explode and my eyes feel so heavy as I watch Wendy talk to the morgue for me. The morgue asks for me to stand and I go up to the front desk. This place has such a cold atmosphere that it makes my heart heavier as the man says, "You are a minor. I would need the agency that has taken charge of you to give me a call so we can proceed with the process of sending the body to Korea."

I want to choke the man at the disrespectful way he talks about my mother. But I sadly go back to my seat and close my eyes. Wendy starts to call the manager and soon I find myself listening to his condolences. I stay silent until he asks for Wendy again. I give her the phone back and let my body slide down the leather seat. The rest of the members decided to stay at a bench outside because they don't like the cold feeling the morgue gives. Wendy seemed skeptical to come in with me, but she quickly hid her discomfort for my sake.

"Okay," Wendy says as she hangs up the phone. "The boss will organize everything for you. You don't have to worry about anything anymore."

"Mmkay. Thank you." I close my eyes again and Wendy puts a soft arm around my shoulders.

"Honey. You haven't eaten anything in the last two days. I think Joy went to get food somewhere and brought some for everyone."

"I can't eat," I softly say.

"Why not, Yerimie?"

I try to stop myself from sniffling even if tears start to fall again. "My stomach is upset..."

"Let's get you some soup then. That'll help."

"No—" A sob tries to escape my lips and I quickly lean forward to cover my face. Wendy sweetly holds me and guides me out so people don't have to stare at me.

The members are quick to make space for me and comfort me. Irene lets me lay my head on her chest as she holds me close. Again. I break in front of them and they always hold the pieces.

I am finally able to eat a small soup when we are back at my old home. The members are helping me pack my mother's things. I honestly don't know what to do at this point. I'm only keeping what she cherished the most but the rest...I may just donate it.

I do a sad sigh and don't look up as Joy answers the front door. "Yerimie?"

I tiredly look up and see Jade there. My lips begin to quiver and I let her give me a warm hug.

"I'm so sorry, Yerim. I'm so sorry. She was a fighter. She really did try her hardest."

"I know," I say among tears. "I wish I could have done more."

"Hey." She holds my cheek and burns determined eyes at me. "You did everything just right. You tried your best and that's enough."

It wasn't enough to keep her alive...

I look around at the place filled with boxes. "I don't know what to do with all this. Do you want it?"

"Won't you sell it?" she says with wide eyes.

"I don't know..."

"It'll help pay for the medical debts you may have."

"I guess I hadn't thought of that..."

Jade gives my arm a soft squeeze with eyes filled with pity. "What of the landlord?"

"He let me off the hook for this month because of my mother's death. But I'll give him back the house I guess. I don't need it anymore."

"I can help you organize a large sale of the things left behind."

"I have to go back to Seoul soon though. Do you think you could help me with it and just send me the money? You can have half of it if you'd like."

She gives my hand a warm squeeze. "I'll help you with the sale and you will have all the money. Don't you worry about a thing."

"Thank you so much for everything, ma'am." I give her a tight hug as she begins to step out. "Someday I will pay you back for your kindness."

"Just stay well for now, hun." She gives the members that are around a slight nod before closing the door behind her.

As for the rest of the things, I send them off on the plane to go back to Seoul. The boss sent in their own plane since our music has become top twenty tracks listened in Asia. He said he doesn't want anyone bothering us, especially at this painful time.

So I visit the hospital one last time and look for Nurse Lily. She immediately excuses herself when she sees me and gives me a long hug. Tears quietly soak her scrubs as I hear her say, "She was a fighter just like you are. Promise me you'll contact me if you need anything."

"I hope I don't," I say with a small smile. "I wish to see you again for a cup of coffee rather than because of sickness."

Nurse Lily smiles at my words even if her eyes glisten with tears. "I'll take you up for that. Stay strong, Yerim. And make sure you rest and eat well."

"I will. Thank you for all your help, Lily. I am in debt with you."

Nurse Lily gives me one last hug before sadly parting ways. The members wait for me in the rented car and I quietly sit back inside next to Joy. Joy puts her head on my shoulder and takes my arm to show her soft comfort. I just give her hand a soft squeeze and look out the window. I watch my home fade away. I watch the world that caused me so much pain disappear as I look out the window of the plane this time.

We float among the clouds and I close my eyes. I finally find sleep for the first time since my mother's death. Now I know I am far away from home...