A Sound from the Moon

Eighteen

I wipe my tears but more keep coming out. Shock still runs through my system from Dan's stabbing words.

I'm not good enough...

I slowly start to remember that amazing feeling I had all day today. It's a painful fall from flying so high. I'm so used to staying on the ground that flying became a dream come true. Until the walls of that dream slowly tore down and I'm left sitting alone on the grass.

I'm embarrassed to go back inside. They told me. They tried warning me. How are they going to comfort me? They will say what my mind keeps telling me.

I told you so.

I should've never let my heart fly. I need to clip off its wings. But first, I need to find the strength to do so. So I call my mother and hear her answer on the third ring.

"Hello?" Her voice is groggy as if she's just woken up. But the stabbing pain in my heart doesn't let me see that it's so early in the States.

"Mom," I say in between sobs.

"What? What's wrong? Why are you crying? Are you okay?"

I push down my sob as I say, "This boy. I should've known, Mom. He hurt me. He wanted...He said things that hurt me."

I want to hear her comfort. My heart is ready to at least receive a virtual hug from her. But all I get is her angry tone through the phone telling me, "What are you doing over there? Did you go to date boys? Huh?! Stop fooling around and focus on what you went for! If you were going just for that then you should've never left!"

I begin to sob again at her words. I didn't have to carefully clip my wings off. My mother has ripped them off for me. It's a painful tear making my heart bleed out as I hear her say, "Waking me up at 6 AM just to hear you crying over a boy. No more crying, Yerimah! You did this to yourself. Now move on. You learned your lesson."

I sniffle so I can say, "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry."

"That's enough. I'm going back to sleep before I go back home. Enough crying."

I take a breath and nod. I shove my emotions down. I try my best to say goodbye without crying. I try my best to go back in without a hint of tears.

I linger at the red door before I enter. I take deep breaths. They can't see me like this. I don't want to bother. I don't want them to see how weak I am. My mother saw and her reaction broke me down even more.

I don't think I can have more stabs tonight. I'm not strong enough...

When I finally let my hurt heart slow down, I quietly step in. The first thing I see is Seulgi sound asleep on the couch. It seems like she was knocked out and just thrown there as her deep sleep makes her mouth fall slightly open. I do a small smile when I realize that she was probably waiting for me.

I quietly pass by the living room and see Wendy sitting on the dinner table with receipts. She hears me pass by and looks up. Irene is at another table further down with the same book and big glasses. Wendy's smile disappears and is replaced with worry.

"What happened?"

Irene immediately looks up from her book and I try to close all the doors on my heart. I look down before tears appear but it's too late. Wendy's warm hug let's out the sob I've been holding in and Irene is quick to get up, too.

"What's wrong?" Irene says. "Did he hurt you? Are you hurt?"

She gently pulls me away from Wendy and takes my arms to give me a quick look. If only she could hold my bleeding heart. But at least she can hold me as she brings me close to her neck. I hold on tight to her and pretend that this is my mother I'm clinging on.