A Sound from the Moon

Forty One

Christmas with Red Velvet was the most fun I've ever had during the holidays. We had a fan signing night on Christmas Eve and we sang a few Christmas songs for our fans to say goodbye and thank you. I also watched Wendy happily put on the Christmas song she recorded with SMTown during finals and we decorated the place while singing to it. She looked absolutely gorgeous in the music video.

We teased her about the the man in the music video. I'm assuming he is supposed to be her mysterious love interest, but she only did a quiet smile. I knew that shine. It's the one I have whenever I think of Chan. It looks like things with Taecyeon are going well. I take credit for their love story.

I waited until midnight to call my mother. She was awake and she sounded well. The other members were asleep and Wendy tried staying awake with me, but her head eventually fell on my shoulder.

"Mom," I whispered. "Merry Christmas, mama."

"Merry Christmas, baby. I miss you."

My lips quivered at those sincere words. It filled my cold body with warmth as I looked out at the small snowflakes falling in the night sky.

"I miss you, too, mom. Stay well, okay? I love you..."

She stayed silent for a moment before saying, "I love you, too. Don't worry about me. You have music to focus on. You have to shine on your own."

"I shine because of you," I said with a small smile. "I want to visit you soon, mom. Maybe for New Year's Eve."

"Okay, honey. Have a good night."

I hung up with a new kind of warmth. It's the same one I get when I sit in front of the fireplace in the backyard. It's a slow sizzling that sometimes hurts until my body gets used to it. I finally am used to it.

Seulgi and I were the last ones to get up on Christmas morning. Irene and Wendy were making breakfast and Joy fixed the presents under the tree. She looked up with a smile from our arrival and said, "Chan, Taehyung, and Taecyeon all brought presents early in the morning for their special ladies."

I did a sweet smile as I looked at the small present Chan left for me. Seulgi did a small giggle as she sat on the couch across from the Christmas tree. "I just imagine them all coming at the same time."

"The boyfriend squad." Joy continued the joke and it made me laugh.

We had breakfast together and gave out small presents to each other once we were done eating. I'm still pretty broke despite a successful first tour. I now have the debt with SM for my training months on top of hospital bills. So I asked Chan to accompany me to a small gift shop near the coffee shop. He helped me choose out the best presents for my new family and I smile proudly as they each take out their bracelets I bought for them.

"I know it's nothing big, but I thought these bracelets had tokens that represent who you each are. And together, it makes beautiful jewelry."

"It's beautiful, Yerimie," Irene said with a sweet smile.

"I love it!" Joy said as she stretched her arm to take a look of it on her wrist.

"It's perfect, Baby Yeri," Seulgi said as she gave me a warm side hug. Wendy also gave me a kiss on the cheek and let me help her put the bracelet on her.

The members got me very nice presents, too. I could tell they put in deep thought on each of their gifts and it made my heart melt. After that, I looked into Chan's present when they started to clean up. I held the scarf and sweater close to my nose and closed my eyes with a smile. He remembered that I don't have a scarf.

After giving him a quick call, the members decided to go ice skating. I was very scared throughout the lesson Seulgi tried giving me, but it was fun to see Joy wobble while holding on tight to Wendy. We all shared laughs and smiles that the Christmas spirit will hold onto forever.

Irene got us hot chocolates as we finished ice skating and we shared a warm moment of silence as we looked out the white scenery. I don't remember ever seeing snow in my life. I wish it would have snowed like this back home so my mother could have the same hopeful scenery I have in front of me.

My first Red Velvet Christmas ended too soon, but I smiled up at the ceiling. Today was a good day. I wish it were like this everyday. It could be as long as we have each other.

The next day, I'm awakened by the sound of my phone. I forgot to silence it yesterday after watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas with the members. Joy does a small groan and I quickly silence my phone so I can go back to sleep, too. But the loud vibrations of my phone under my pillow makes me frown and slowly sit up.

"Hello?" I whisper.

"Yerim? This is Nurse Lily. Honey, I'm sorry to call at this time, but it's part of protocol to call the closest family member."

"What?"

I'm wide awake now as I hear Nurse Lily say, "Your mother. We have to do an emergency surgery on her. She's going into the operating room now. There is a hemorrhage in her stomach."

I can't seem to form words as my mind runs with panic. I look around for anything that could help me connect the dots. Then I hear Nurse Lily say, "We'll do everything we can to save her, hun. I'll call you back for any news. I'm sorry."

She hangs up and my heart continues to race. Joy gently moves under the covers and lightly opens her eyes as I look for breath.

"Yeri? What happened?"

"M-my mom. She's...she's in surgery now."

Saying these words out loud makes me snap out of my shock and I jump out of bed. Joy sits up with wide eyes and says, "But why? Will she be okay?"

"I-I don't know!" I say with tears hanging on the edge of my eyes. "I have to go. I have to go to her, Joy."

"What? You're just going to leave?"

I quickly take out my suitcase with shaky hands and begin to shove my essential things in there. Joy quickly gets out of bed and I feel her soft hands on my arms. She stops my shaky hands and gently says, "Breathe. Let's tell the other members and see how we can solve this."

"No no! There's no solving anything!" I say with angry tears running down my cheeks. "I need to be there for my mom! I need to hold her! I can't let her go, Joy!"

"I understand but you can't just leave like that!" She steadies her voice and gestures at me to wait. She steps out without another word and bumps into Wendy that comes out of her room.

The walls start to close in and I push back a sob as Wendy comes into the room. "What's going on, sweetie?" she says as she kneels in front of me when I slowly sit back on my bed.

I sniffle at the worried shine in her eyes and say, "It's my mom. They just called me. Something happened and now they're trying to save her in a surgery. I have to go, Wendy. I have to go to her."

"Okay," she says. "You have to call the manager for the emergency leave. We can talk to him if you want."

I shake my head as I wipe my tears away. "I'll call him and beg him to understand."

"I'm sure he will," Wendy says as she gives my chin a sweet touch.

"I'll help you pack," Joy says before I step out.

I take a deep breath and dial his number. I'm back when my heart only knew what fear meant. I'm back at the very start and I've let my guard down this time. I'm not ready for this. Not again...