A Sound from the Moon

Thirty

I am definitely very broke. I just wasted all my money and I have nothing. Nothing at all. Not even for gum.

I was able to pay in full for my mother's medicine and hospital stay. I have to continue working even more to start saving up for the next time she gets her round of chemotherapy. Stomach cancer is very tiring.

My heart has been so blue lately. I'm so thankful with the members for their help but I am embarrassed, too. They have not mentioned at all of that day, but I wonder if it's for my sake. What could I do to repay them?

Chan has also been really sweet. He senses something is wrong from my silence and teary eyes. He keeps giving me sweet gestures like a warm blink or a hand on my back to comfort my heart. There was one day that Lily called me. She had said that my mother has to cut her resting period short. She's in a lot of pain despite the medicine. She needs yet another surgery.

You can apply for help, Yerim," she said over the phone on my break. "Maybe get a loan or maybe—"

"I'll see what I can do. Is she at the hospital now?"

"Yes. She's by my side now."

"Can I talk to her?"

Lily hesitated again. "I don't think she can talk. She's in a lot of pain, honey."

"Please," I said as I fought back tears. I quickly stepped out of the coffee shop and waited to hear my mother's struggling breaths.

"Yerimah..."

The sound of her tired voice broke my heart and I fought back a sob. "Mom...Mom, hang in there, okay? I promise you'll get that surgery soon."

"It hurts so much." Her voice broke and I covered my mouth with a sob ready to come out.

"Just hold on for a little bit longer, Mom. Fight, okay? Fight for me."

"I'm so tired..."

I've never heard such certain words come from her mouth. They were like a stab and Lily took the phone from her. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I let out a cry after I hung up with Lily. I found a corner and let my body slide down to the ground as the sob felt like I was getting kicked all over my body. I wished for a hold. I wished for one of the members to magically appear and wipe my tears away. But I was all alone.

Until Chan found me. His curiosity made him look for me and he ran to pick me up from the ground. He tried looking for the reason why I was crying. But I did not hesitate this time. I wrapped my arms around him and soaked his shirt with my tears. He said nothing at all. He sweetly ran his hand through my hair and let his cheek rest on my head. His silence was my comfort at the moment.

After that, I had to tell him everything. The other side of the curtains. I had to show him who I was when the spotlight turns off. He listened to my story with a quiet look. He didn't even seem sad as he held my hand at the end.

"I admire your strength, Yeri," he softly said. "You can always count on me. You are no longer alone in this, Yeri. You hear me? You are the most amazing, sweetest, strongest—"

I did a small chuckle and waved his words away. "Thank you, Chan, for everything. I really am in debt with you. But at least I got you a souvenir."

"Oh yeah? You didn't have to."

I let my heart silence its crying for a moment as I looked through my bag. I took out a small bag and smiled at the memory of walking into that gift shop at my favorite hotel. "I took a stroll at each of the hotels we were at. When I saw this, I thought of you. I hope you like it."

I put the small bag in his hand and he gave me that sweet smile of his. He even did a nervous scoff as he took out the small black box and opened it. His expression was a silent one as he slowly took out the small necklace.

"It's a sun," he whispered as he kept his eyes on the metal sun carrying a blue jewel in the middle.

"I was remembering how you said that I was your moon. I thought...then he is my sun. And the more I thought of it, the more it made sense. Even now I see. When I am gone, you are still there. You shine brightly and always bring back the light after a dark night. I know you will always have my back in the end."

His eyes seemed to tear up. But he quickly took a deep breath and did his sweet chuckle. Without a word, he put on the necklace and watched the sun land at the middle of his chest where his heart is. He put a gentle hand on it and suddenly, he did not give me a chance to react as he leaned in and gave my cheek a kiss. All those nerves he usually has with me, disappeared the moment he slowly pulled away. He was stronger than ever and I loved this new part on him.

It was as if my heart had forgotten the pain it has endured. It jumped and soared. I wish I could have leaned in again and tasted the warmth that his lips left on my cheek. But I only did a small smile and longed for his hold all day long.

If only things were different. If only I could rewrite the story of my life. I would have Chan from the very beginning. I would have the stars dance with me instead of sorrow. I would have kept my head up during the day to look up at the sun radiating beauty on clear blue skies. For now, I have Chan for that.

For now, I'll keep longing for his hope as I hold onto the hope the members give me.

I numbly hear our manager tell me how proud he is of me. He says that I'll be on stage with the members in no time, but to continue the hard work at training. He heard that I was struggling with vocals and video production.

Before I could explain myself, Joy quickly says, "You know I struggled with video production and its choreography. It's worse than what she's struggling in and I endured."

"Yes," the boss says with a small smile. "But you guys have become a hit again after two years. The crowd wants more. This is why I've decided to have you five release the mini album already. And you, missy," he says with a finger towards me. "Are the big question of them all. When will she appear again? When will their new album come out with Yeri in it? Who is this new member?"

I sit back on the sofa with a small smile starting on my lips. So the world really did see? So they did like it?

I was enough for them to want more...

The boss does a small scoff at my realization. "This is a new breakthrough for SM Entertainment with Red Velvet. Since Red Velvet's debut with Happiness, the world has been left on the edge of their seats." He stands with a determined shine in his eyes and his side smile. "Let's give them what they want, ladies. Keep up the good work. Let's try to have the mini album done by the end of this week so she can also focus on getting back to school and start on the first full album."

"How will that work?" Wendy says with arms crossed on her chest. "Just as it did with Joy and college?"

"Basically," the boss says. "Don't worry. She's at a private school where fans don't try to kidnap her or anything. It's a school connected with all of SM, JYP, and YG so it'll be easier for trainees to be students, too. When are you done with college, Joy?"

"After this upcoming semester, I will be done."

"Great! That way we can start looking into tours outside of Seoul."

The members all exchange excited smiles but I give them a fake smile. Worry once again reminds my heart to shrink.

What will I do? How will I ever manage fame with the problems my normal life carries?