A Sound from the Moon

Fourteen

I wake up early Wednesday morning. I wish I hadn't. The members leave mail on the counter by the fridge in groups of four. There's a fifth group with one single envelope. I open my mail and see that it's the medical bill from my mother's new medicine.

My blood falls to my feet when I see the amount due. My stomach twists and I quickly sit on the counter with a piece of paper I found and a pen. I open my bank account on my phone and I want to sob. I don't even have half the amount for this single bill. I know there will be another one coming soon for her nights at the hospital.

I think if I work more hours at the coffee shop I'll be okay. Or maybe I can do two jobs like I used to do freshman year. I'll get a really early job, go to training, and then immediately go to work again.

It's the only way...

I let out a long sigh. Deep down, there's a little whisper saying how tiring this is. I listen to it. I don't want this to be my life here in Seoul. I've lived like this for seven years straight. When will it ever end?

Tears start to make my vision blurry as guilt slaps me across the face. This is for my mother. If I pay, she can stay alive longer. How dare I want to quit now.

I wonder what she thinks of my situation. She's never said thank you or tried to stop me either.

I quickly wipe my tears when I hear footsteps coming into the kitchen. I fold the envelope and hide it in my pocket as I give Wendy a fake smile.

"Morning," she says in English. "You okay?"

I give her a nod. "I was just getting some tea before breakfast."

Wendy looks at the empty teapot and says, "Do you want me to make you some?"

I do a small scoff. I got so surprised by the bills that I forgot what I came here for. "It's okay. I think I'm just gonna take a shower."

"Okay. There's training today?"

I do a small nod and she says, "We won't be there this time. We're going to have a meeting with our manager. We need to give suggestions and ideas for our next pieces."

"Do I have to be there?"

"No. It'll be during your training. Joy won't be there, too. It's just mostly discussing about dates for performances and all that. Nothing serious. We usually fill in to those that couldn't be there during dinner."

I do a small nod and start back to my room. But Wendy gently calls out to me and I freeze; afraid that she may have seen my trembling heart.

"Yeri?" I slowly turn and quietly wait as she looks for the right words. Her eyes carry her unique sympathy. She has this strong kind of warmth along with her caring heart. She is careful as she says, "You know...you can count on us for anything. Don't ever hesitate to ask for help. We're here for you."

She's heard my heart sobbing like a breeze letting her know that something's wrong. But I still give her a small smile and tell my heart to breathe for a moment with her words.

"Thank you, Wendy. I'm gonna get ready for training."

"You still have three hours, girl!"

I do a small laugh and shrug. "Then I'll—"

That's when I realize something. I could get ready and go out to look for a morning job. Would they be willing to take me around and then come back for Joy?

Wendy furrows her brows as my thoughts gather again and I say, "Do you have anything to do now?" She gently shakes her head. "Then would you be willing to take me around?"

"Around?"

"Let's take a walk."

Wendy seems skeptical at first until she does a nod and grabs an orange. "Let's go before they wake up and either want to join us or stop us."

I quietly laugh at this as we walk out together. The morning crisp is beautiful. It's fresh and almost chilly. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a second almost imagining my muscles relaxing.

"I love taking walks," Wendy says as she offers a piece of orange slice. I thankfully take one as I hear her say, "It helps me clear my head. I'm glad you asked me to join. Thanks."

I let out a soft breath and realize that this is more than just a walk. I have to tell them at some point. I have to start trusting them.

So I take a deep breath and say, "I'm going to tell you something but please don't...react or anything. Or what I mean is that don't feel sorry for me or anything!"

Wendy does a small chuckle. "Hit me."

"Okay. I...I just received the new medical bill for my mother's medicine and it's...a lot of money. I won't be able to empty out all my saving accounts and be free from it. It's too much so I have to get a morning job to pay for it."

Wendy is silent as usual when she lets my words sink in. She then says, "Is there like a due date for it?"

"Kind of. Because my mother is an emergency patient and I have no other guardian but her, they give us an extension."

"What about your dad? You're not in contact with him? Can't he help you this once?"

I stay quiet. I hate it when people mention my father. I grow cranky, but Wendy is the only one that has not triggered my anger. She's so careful that it helps lighten the punch in my gut.

I shake my head and say, "He left us when my mother's condition was getting worse. He said he couldn't continue like this. That was his only explanation. I begged him the night he was leaving. I tried my best to have him stay but nothing convinced him. He only pushed me to the side and I fell. It feels like I've been falling for the last seven years..."

Tears well up in my eyes and I realize that I have never talked about this out loud to anyone. My mother didn't ever mention him afterwards and she never asked me if I was okay. I learned to let the cuts infect without anyone to mend them for me. Now it feels like I'm peeling those scars away with Wendy as she stops walking and gives me a tight hug without a single word. 

Her hug doesn't break me like Irene's hug. It gives me strength to just shut my eyes and let those scabs fall this once. They're my last hope. I'll let them mend them. I just hope it doesn't hurt as much.

Wendy pulls away and takes my cheek in her hand. Determination sets in her dark eyes as she says, "You are so strong, you know that? You are so brave. Your father may not see or care, but your mother sees. We all see how awesome you are. Don't you ever give up, you hear me?"

I smile as she wipes my tears away. "You won't let me give up anyways," I playfully say.

"No I won't! I'll bring you back up. We stand stronger together. You're no longer alone." She wraps a warm arm around my shoulders as we continue walking down the sidewalk. "You have us. You will always have us."

Always. I've never met face to face with that word but I finally see.

Always enough in their eyes.