A Sound from the Moon

Forty Three

I help my mother on her bed. I can't believe that it's almost eight months since I last was in this old house. I'm slightly embarrassed of it as the members quietly follow me inside. They stay in the tiny living room area as I lay my mother on a comfortable pillow.

She gives me a sweet smile and takes my cheek. I close my eyes at her cold touch and let tears fall at her whisper.

"I would like to meet your new friends. They must be taking care of you well. You look beautiful."

"You don't want anything else, mom? Water?" She shakes her head with a sad gleam and my chest tightens at the hint of eagerness she has to talk to the members.

I step into the living room and they look up with expectation. I let my eyes fall and sadly say, "My mom wants to talk to you guys."

They exchange sad and surprised looks. But Irene is the first to get up and bow at the doorway before stepping in. I hear them each give a polite hello and find a place around her. I stand at the doorframe and wish the scenery were different. I wish we would be sitting like this but at a beautiful park where my mother can pick flowers as the members laugh to her stories.

Instead, my mother weakly tells me, "Yerimah. Why don't you make something to eat for your friends? They must be tired after a long flight."

Wendy tries to tell her that they're fine, but Irene stops her with a small squeeze on her knee. Wendy sadly stops speaking and gives me a small smile.

"Why don't you try resting, too?" Seulgi says. "We'll take good care of your mother, Yerimie."

Her smile is a sweet one. It's a smile to convince me that everything will be okay. I let her lie to me and just walk into the living room. I lay on the couch I would fall asleep on after long nights at work. I can hear everything from here and my tears quietly fall down my cheeks as I hear their conversation.

"Yeri has told me a lot of you all. I wanted to thank you for looking after my daughter." My mother sniffles as she continues. "She's always been alone. I could never really be a good mother to her. After her father left, her mother disappeared, too, and cancer made it worse." She does a shaky breath before saying, "I wish I had more time. I wish I could do so many things I couldn't do with her. Because of me, she lost her childhood. She grew up too quickly to take care of me and all I gave back to her was pain and sorrow."

I quietly cry as those words seem to hit differently. I can't hear the members say anything as my mother says, "Please...take care of my Yerim for me. Please give her the comfort I couldn't give her. Don't let her heart break for a man that does not see how precious she is."

My thoughts bring me back to Chan and I wish I could have his arms wrapped around me now.

I can hear the members sadly tell my mother not to worry. My mother does a small sigh and says, "All I want for her is to accomplish her dreams. I wanted to be a singer just like her." She does a small scoff. "I was even going to do the auditions, too."

I'm surprised at those words. No wonder my mother pushed me to audition and go to Korea. My success was like she achieved her dreams, too.

"Then I got pregnant with Yeri and...I was so angry. But when I held her and she smiled...I promised myself that I would do whatever it takes to see that smile. Even if it meant giving up my dreams. I'm glad music is the source of her smile because I know I can't...I haven't been there—"

"Yeri knows how much you love her," Wendy softly says. "That's why she doesn't want you to go."

My mother does a small sigh. "In life, you can't always fight. The fight has no meaning anymore if all you get is the same result of suffering. You have to know when to give up and take the fall. It will be hard for Yeri. She has no family but me. But at least I can rest knowing she has her friends. Promise me you'll take good care of her? I want her to be the very best. I want her to be happy. Please..."

Irene's voice is quiet as I start to fall asleep with tears in my eyes. "We will take care of her. She will never be alone. We will love her as if she were our own family. I promise she will be okay."

Those were the last words from the members to my mother. I wake up with a heaviness in my chest and a throbbing pain behind my eyes. The members sit around in the small area of the living room. Wendy sits back in a chair at the small dinner table with tired eyes on the table. Joy also sits at the other end of the table with her hand holding her tired head. Seulgi is sound asleep on the small couch chair across from mine and Irene sits on the ground next to my couch. She has her knees against her chest and she sadly lays her forehead on her arms across her knees.

I gently get up and Irene shoots her head up. "Yeri," she sweetly says. "Are you hungry? Do you want anything?"

I shake my head and see Wendy come to give me a warm side hug on the couch. She gently says in my ear, "Your mom asked to speak with you once you woke up."

I've been afraid to go up to my mother. I'm scared that I'll see her slip away from my fingers and I can't do anything about it. I'm scared to see Death smile down on us like a sick joke.

I'm not ready.

Joy comes up to the sofa now and says, "We'll be out here if you need us."

I do a fearful nod and slowly walk up to my mother's bed. She weakly breathes with her eyes closed. But she gently opens them when I come in and gives me a weak smile.

"Yeri."

"Mom..." I take her hand and sniffle as new tears begin to come out. "Just hang on a little longer, okay?"

Her smile turns sad as she takes my cheek. "I love you. I'm so proud of you. I'm so sorry I...I'm sorry I couldn't see you on stage. I'm so sorry I wasn't the mother you needed from me."

"No, mom. Don't say that. I was okay. You did everything just right. And you can still see me on stage. You just have to fight for a little bit. Come on, mom." I take her weak hand and let a quiet cry escape my lips. "Don't give up now. Don't leave me, too. I can't lose you, too."

"Yerimah, listen closely." Her breath is so weak that I have to lean in to hear her say, "You were meant to shine. Don't let your heart turn too heavy for me so you don't lose that shine. If it does, forget me."

"No, mom. No..."

"You are strong, you hear me? You will be okay. You'll be fine."

I sob with a deep sorrow. I can hear the members sadly gather around the doorway and keep a respectful silence.

"I want to go back home," my mother says now. "I want to be buried in my hometown."

I shake my head at her stabbing words. I've never experienced such pain. I can't find breath and I feel someone gently rub my arms. I open my eyes and see a single tear on my mother's white cheek. She gives me a small smile and whispers, "Can you sing to me?"

"Yes, mom..." I sniffle and wipe my tears away even if more tears replace them. I look around for help and Wendy is quick to step up. Joy continues to hold me as I say, "There's a guitar in my room. The one by the kitchen."

Wendy quickly goes to grab it and I take my mother's hand. Her breaths become weaker with each passing minute and I give her cold hand a strong hold like she used to whenever I had nightmares. I give her a warm smile just as she would as I sit by her on bed. She keeps her dull eyes on me as I begin to sing the lullaby she used to sing to me. It looks like she is falling asleep as her eyes turn heavy.

One last tear falls down her cheek and then her hand turns heavy in mine.