Introduced (Reece Bibby fanfiction)

Chapter 46

"You wanna talk?" Reece asked, his head resting on top of mine. I nodded and looked up at him, his arms still wrapped around my waist.

Reece pulled away and walked out of the kitchen, me following behind. He led me to his bedroom and plonked himself on the bed, opening his arms wide again for another hug. As he held out his arms his sleeves rode up a little bit.

That's when I noticed something. Three red lines across his wrist. They weren't deep and they were only small but they were recent, very recent.

"Reece you idiot, you fucking idiot" I sighed. He'd hurt himself, and that was hurting me and the only way I could think to respond was angrily.

"What" he said at first, shock and confusing in his voice. But then he muttered a small "oh" and I looked up to see him yanking his sleeves down and disappointment and sadness etched all over his face. He hadn't wanted me to find out.

I walked over to the bed and took his wrist in my hand, stroking the cuts with my thumb.

"Why the hell did you do this? You know what it does, you know how it can ruin people" I said. I felt like I was overreacting a bit but I was angry and I was upset and I didn't want to see him hurt.

"It's only one time" he muttered, looking down at his knees.

"Yes it is only one time Reece, but that one time could become two, and then three, four, and you could slip into this deadly cycle that I've been stuck in for years. You know that all too well and you have seen what it can do if this gets bad and I cannot stand to see you go through this."

"Alice I'm fine honestly. I promise it won't happen again" he replied, looking at me and biting his lip.

"But how do you know it won't happen again? How do you know that things won't get worse. I'm worrying like hell now, I don't want you to go through what I have" I said, a tear trickling down my cheek. Reece reached up and wiped it away with his thumb, placing his hand on my cheek.

"Do you see how I feel now?" He asked. "Every time I see fresh cuts or every time you don't feel good I feel a kind of ache because I don't want you to hurt and I don't want to see you like this and it upsets me more every time. I need you to see that and I need you to stop because you're not just hurting yourself but you're hurting me."

"So that's why you did this? To try and get me to stop cutting?" I said, feeling anger bubbling inside me again.

"Well partly yes. I want you to see that you're not just hurting yourself and I've tried so many times and I just don't know what to do now. I don't want this break we're having to make things worse for you. I'm just stressed and I didn't know what to do and I'm worried about you Alice. I want to help you but I don't know how" Reece said.

"So.. So you thought you'd cut to get me to stop. What the fuck Reece. What the actual fuck! How the hell can you think that would help?!" I half shouted, my voice getting louder with each word.

"Well what else am I supposed to do Alice? WHAT ELSE CAN I DO? I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING I CAN TO GET YOU TO STOP AND YOU NEVER LISTEN. THE ONE THING I WANT IS FOR YOU TO STOP CUTTING AND YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH IT'S AFFECTING US. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I CAN DO ANYMORE." Reece had stood up and walked over to the door, resting his head on it.

"SPEAK TO ME, THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO DO. ACTUALLY TELL ME THAT IT'S AFFECTING YOU INSTEAD OF TELLING THE REST OF THE BOYS AND LEAVING ME TO OVERHEAR, THAT DOESN'T HELP ANYTHING. JUST SPEAK TO ME ABOUT IT, TELL ME THAT IT'S WORRYING YOU AND MAYBE THEN I'D HAVE A CHANCE AT GETTING CLEAN INSTEAD OF FEELING LIKE SHIT WHEN I HEAR YOU TELLING THEM AND THINK YOU CAN'T TRUST ME ENOUGH TO TELL ME." I shouted back at him and I heard the lads coming up the stairs to see what was happening.

"BUT YOU STILL KNOW THAT ITS GOING TO TAKE ITS TOLL ON ME TOO. I'VE TOLD YOU OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND YOU DON'T LISTEN AND YOU KEEP CUTTING AND HURTING YOURSELF AND WANTING AND TRYING TO DIE AND I CAN'T COPE WITH THAT. CAN'T YOU SEE THAT? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT'S WHY I NEED A BREAK?"

Reece moved away from the door and towards me as the boys came into the room, crowding around the door. He was reminding me of when I lived with my dad, angry and intimidating and that scared me. I stumbled back as he neared, hitting the wall behind me hard and having to catch my breath. I bit my lip, another tear rolling down my face and I closed my eyes for a second before answering him.

"IT DOESN'T JUST STOP AS SOON AS YOU SAY. I CAN'T STOP IT, I CAN'T STOP FEELING THIS WAY NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. DO YOU THINK I'M NOT SICK OF IT TOO? DO YOU THINK THAT ISN'T ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS WHY I'VE BEEN WANTING TO DIE FOR SO LONG? I'M SICK OF IT AND I'M SICK OF WHO I AM AND I CAN'T JUST STOP CUTTING STRAIGHT AWAY, I WISH I COULD BUT IT TAKES TIME AND I CAN'T- I just can't do it." I was shaking like mad now and tears were streaming down my face.

Reece opened his mouth to reply but no words came out. James and Charlie walked over to me, James pulling me into a hug but I pushed him away.

"Reece I don't know what else to do. I'm stuck feeling this way and the only way I know I can deal with it is by taking it out on myself. I don't want to do it, I hate myself for doing it but it's the only way I can cope. And if you can't cope with that then that's your problem, I'm sorry" I said more calmly, pushing past the boys and into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

I put the lid down on the toilet and sat down, curling my legs up into a ball. There were a few moments of quiet before I heard a knock at the door and James' voice from behind it.

"Alice, open the door" he said simply but I stayed sat down with my head in my knees.

"Come on, I want to know that you're okay"

"You better not be doing anything stupid in there just open the freaking door" he kept saying until I finally unlocked it.

He slipped inside and locked the door again behind him before sitting down on the floor and gesturing me to do the same. He put his arm round me and squeezed my shoulder as I put my head on his, both without saying a word.

And that's how it stayed, for a while anyway. I could feel myself drifting off to sleep because I was really tired even though it was still the morning when James put a finger under my chin, turning me to face him. He smiled cheekily before leaning in for a kiss. It was quick but it was nice, and it kind of left me wanting more.

I smiled down at my knees as we pulled away and smirked. I put my head back on his shoulder to fall asleep and vaguely remembered him carrying me out of the bathroom to his room, lying me on the bed before lying next to me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

A/N

I've been meaning to finish this chapter off for like a week to update for you guys but I just haven't got round to it. Sometimes I don't feel up to writing and I've been revising like mad for my exams that start on Monday (wish me luck bc I'll need it) and then I've had a gymnastics competition today so every spare moment I've spent practising for that. And it'll probably be like that for a few weeks now because of my exams bc I have loads and have a lot of revision so sorry if there's a lack of updates.

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