Blue Jay's Flight

In Vain

I woke up the next day expecting to be in a bitchy mood. It was the exact opposite however, I felt sad and depressed. What the hell?

I was getting sick of all of these conflicting emotions. It felt like my body was a bottle with little explosions inside of it; lot's of power, but eventually it was going to explode! God! Instead of explosions, it was little bursts of emotions I had chosen not to feel for so long. My bottle was going to burst, and it was gonna suck when it did.

Apparently, it's obvious when I'm sad, because Superboy was very concerned. "Hey?" he said and sat down next to me on the couch. "What's wrong?"

I sighed. "I...I'm not sure. Ever since I've gotten here...I've just felt-ugh!"

He chuckled a little. "Believe it or not, I understand that feeling. But I worked my feelings out, and just accepted the fact that I had feelings for one of my team members."

"M'gann?" I asked. "Erm..sorry!" I quickly recovered, knowing that that was a sensitive topic.

He smiled weakly. "It's alright. And yeah, it was her. But she and Lagoon Boy are together now... and I need to move on before it gets to be a problem. What about you? What are your feelings."

I furrowed my eyebrows and placed my face in my hands, trying to hold back tears. I understood why, as well. Catwoman was probably dead, and Harley was probably in a cell now because of me! And now I was developing feelings for Nightwing AND Superboy! How could this have happened?!

I swallowed hard and my body gave an involuntary shudder. I groaned in annoyance and I felt Superboy's arms wrap around my shoulders. "Hey," he whispered to me. "It's okay..."

"Blue Jay?" another voice suddenly asked. It was Cassie. "It-it's Catwoman. She-she's dead."

My body froze and my bottle exploded right then in there. I already knew that it was probably true, but I just didn't want to believe it. Tears streamed down my face and I let out a saddened wail. I didn't care at that point who heard me. I felt justified crying at that point. Superboy then made me sit up and he pressed my head into his chest. I gripped his t-shirt with a my hands and bawled into him.

My heart felt like somebody had reached in a started squeezing it. It really did feel like my heart was straight up breaking right in half.

"Shhhh," Superboy whispered into my ear. "It'll be alright, I promise." He stroked my hair with his other hand and my body started shaking from the grief that the news had brought me. I then yelled loudly and felt the urge to get something done. I jerked away from him and tried to run away from him. All I wanted was to curl up into a little corner and die.

But then I got pissed. Later, I realized that I wasn't thinking rationally. I made a beeline for Nightwing. He turned when he saw my and I punched him in the face with all of my anger and pain right behind that blow. He fell back as I felt a sickening crunch under my knuckles.

I then got on top of him, gripped his neck, and screamed at the top of my lungs, "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!! SHE'S DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU! IT'S YOUR FAULT!!"

I continued to punched him in the face. Two arms wrapped around my waist and tried to yank me off of him. As I was lifted into the air, I kicked out and hit him in the chest and stomped down harder.

I heard someone yelling at me, but I kept screaming, "IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

I then yanked out of the grip of whoever was holding me, shot into the air, and tried to come slamming down on him. Two bodies shot out at me and pinned me to the wall. It was Cassie and Miss Martian. I was now pinned to the wall and the energy suddenly drained right then and there from my body. My whole body shivered and I let out another wail from the sadness.

Once the girls realized that I wasn't going to kill Nightwing, then let me drop and I just broke down. Superboy was suddenly in front of me and he was hugging me.

I felt...empty. I sat on a bed with my knees tucked into my chest. I was near the corner and I didn't want to move.

"Hey," a voice said with a knock on the door.

I looked up from my sad little ball and saw Robin. I sneered at him and said, "Get the hell out."

"You broke Nightwing's nose," he replied instead and stepped towards me. "And both of his eyes are black."

I closed my eyes and then felt guilty. I had acted on impulse and wanted to give someone the blame, when I knew damn well that it was the Joker. I swallowed hard and muttered, "I'm sorry. Tell him that...please."

"Tell him yourself," he said and stepped aside.

Nightwing suddenly stepped in and his face was swollen from the beating I had given him. Robin then walked away and Nightwing shut the door behind him. I glared up at him. "Who knew that all it took to get you really going was to get you pissed," he muttered and sat down next to me. "You beat me to a bloody pulp, and now my face hurts."

I didn't say anything but continued to stare at the wall.

"Listen," he said and placed a hand on mine. The connection of our hands made me shiver, but in a good way. "I'm sorry that you lost someone, believe me, I get it; probably more then anyone here, besides Batman. Catwoman was killed, and so was my family. And I know it sucks major ass, and I know that I'm partially responsible for it."

"No you're-"

"Yeah, I am," he cut me off. "If I hadn't decided to drag you along, you wouldn't have gotten hurt, and she would still be alive. She wouldn't have HAD to free you. Granted, I could have found a way out, but she cared enough about you to come in and save you. She died protecting you, so that you could live. Don't let her death be in vain."

I squeezed my eyes shut and Nightwing pulled me towards him. He rubbed my shoulders soothingly and I just sat there in his arms. I wasn't mad anymore, just sad. It wasn't surprising that the Joker killed her, to be honest. She betrayed him in a very bad way, especially since she freed Boy Wonder over here. But I didn't blame him anymore. I was just so pissed and I needed to take it out on someone. Nightwing just happened to be the first person to pop into my head.