Blue Jay's Flight

Grief

I felt sick to my stomach; lying to Dick. Once again, hated the feeling. Since when did I ever feel guilty? But I did, and it sucked. I wasn't sure wether Batman could handle the truth or not. Besides, it wasn't my responsibility.

Talia, however, was very very screwed. Something bad was going to happen and I'd be meeting the little asshole again.

For now, I just sat on the bed in the large guest room and tucked my knees into my chest. Despite being knocked out for the better part of the past few days, I still felt sleepy. My legs were heavy and when I yawned, my eyes watered up. I nuzzled my face into the fold in my arms on top of my knees. Maybe if I just closed my eyes for a moment...just...a...little...snooze...

Flash Back:

"Mommy!" I yelled from the top of the stairs in delight. "You're back!"

My mother had fake purple hair and tattoos all over her body. Her voice was all cracky from all of the cigarettes and drugs. She was missing several teeth, but she had still brought a man home with her. I didn't understand what that meant at the time.

She looked up at me with her eyes and heavy makeup. "Hey, Jazz." Her voice was so rough, it was like sand paper rubbing together. Being raised where I was, that was pretty common.

I ran downstairs to meet her and I stuffed my face into her red skirt that smelt of stale smokes. Alcohol was heavy in the air, but I didn't know any better. She placed a wrinkled hand on my little blonde head and said, "Mommy's busy tonight, ok? Go back to bed."

I may not have been very old at that point, but I was smart enough to know that she wasn't doing something pure whenever a stranger came over. I didn't know why, but I just knew.

I got older, just a year, and I understood a lot more. I learned what normal was, and I knew that my mother needed help.

"Please, Mommy!" I pleaded when she was getting ready to leave out of the door. "Don't go out again! I don't like the strangers! I don't like those men! Don't leave me again, Mommy!" Tears streamed down my face and my voice was cracking with desperation. "Don't go," I whispered.

Instead of listening to her innocent daughter, she went out that night.

There was a knock on the door and my short frame ran over to go get it. When I looked up, I saw a man in blue with something shiny on his chest. A police Officer. His face was grim, and I was so confused.

My heart tore in two that night. That stormy, rainy night. Heartbreak sucks. It starts out as if the world has frozen around you, and then the shock settles in. It feels like the center of you is being attacked. Brutally murdered. You can't breath. and for that split second, you feel as if you will actually die. Some people go into shock, some people shut themselves down. But, me? I froze, and it was when I figured out that I could fly.

I stood there. Frozen. My body wouldn't obey what my brain told it to do. I was just a kid. A little girl whose mom just got up, left, and would never come back to me.

I flew far, far away. I flew for so long, that my body finally gave out and I crashed into a tree. As I did, I screamed my heart out in pain and in grief. I wailed so loudly that I was amazed that no one came to get me. I let all of my emotions out under that damn tree. I was angry, sad, and in agony.

"Jasmine?" Catwoman said.

I opened my eyes and saw her familiar face. I smiled from ear to ear. I reached out to her, but she grabbed my wrists forcefully. "Jasmine! You failed me! You couldn't save me! I DIED because of you! Do you understand that? I'm DEAD because of you!"

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling like that same little girl. Tears flooded my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. "Selena, I-I-"

"No," she said and thrust her face into mine. "YOU killed me! Now Harley will die!"

It was happening again. The pain. I had kept it in for so damn long. It was coming out all at once and I screamed in grief again. Her figure disappeared, but her furious voice rang in my ears. I crouched down low and covered my ears. I was yelling so loud and it hurt so much. "You failed! I'm Dead. DEAD! Done! Killed! You murdered me!"

"I'm sorry!" I wailed. My voice was not my own. It was the little girl's.

"She's right!"

"Mommy?" I croaked and opened my eyes.

"You killed me!" she shouted at me. "You didn't try hard enough! Or maybe you were so pathetic that I killed myself!"

These words also echoed in my ears. I fell to my knees and cried out loudly. I screamed for forgiveness, but none ever came. My heart was under siege again. It was under attack once more and it was burning to the ground.

"Jasmine!"

My eyes snapped opened and my whole body was shaking. Dick's arms were wrapped around me and he was rocking me back and forth. His voice was hushing me soothingly. My face was wetter then ever and my throat was scratchy from screaming.

"It was just a dream," he whispered to me.

My body shuddered and he made me look into his eyes. As he did, I let all of the tears come rushing out and I sobbed onto his shoulder. I just let it all out at once. It hurt so much. My heart was under attack...