Sunrise In Your Embrace (Summer Love Series #1)

Chapter 26

"Mommy... Are you already happy?"

I blinked when I saw my mother sitting on the couch, she was drinking her wine there. A single tear dropped from my eyes when our eyes met. It made me think of it hardly. Ako lang ba ang nahihirapan? Ako at si Elias lang ba talaga ang kailangang mahirapan at maging miserable?

"You're home," she spoke and stood up. "Come on, drink with me. Mukhang kailangan mo. Look at your self, you're a disaster."

"Mommy," I called. I harshly wiped the tears on my face when it started rushing down again. Pero kahit anong punas ko doon, patuloy pa rin na bumababa sa pisngi. I could feel my throat aching.  "Hindi mo ba 'ko naiintindihan? Hindi ka man lang naaawa sa 'kin? Tignan mo naman ako... Tignan mo naman 'yong nararamdaman ko."

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas masakit. Simula noon, simula noong bata pa 'ko, palagi na lang ganito. Sometimes, I would think that I'm just adopted but no, I'm not, and honestly I felt happy I wasn't. But somehow I wanted to be an adopted child, para lang maintindihan ko kung bakit ganito ang trato sa 'kin ni Mommy.

I wanted to understand it. The reason why I would always have to ask for her love... For her understanding. Hindi ba dapat kusa naman 'yong naibibigay? Bakit hindi kami katulad ng ibang mag-ina? Bakit... Bakit parang hindi niya naman ako mahal? Why does our relationship have to be like this?

Bakit hindi na lang kami maging katulad ng iba. They're happy with each other. But my mother and I... We're miserable with each other.

I tried so hard. Ginawa ko naman lahat pero bakit hindi pa rin sapat? I did everything in my skills to be something, to be as talented as everyone. To be known. To be looked at.

Oo, marami ang humanga sa 'kin. Marami ang naging proud. But I couldn't make my mother proud of me. I'm still empty. I still feel something's missing. Back in the days I couldn't point it out, but now that I'm older, I have known.

"Anak mo ba 'ko?" I asked, started to sob.

Her lips suddenly parted. Shock was clear on her face. She put the liquor down the center table before putting her hands together.

"What kind of question is that?" She asked, brows furrowed.

"Kasi... Kasi hindi ko maramdaman," umiling ako. "Hindi kita maramdaman sa 'kin. Hindi ba dapat kapag... Kapag ganito, hindi ba dapat naiintindihan mo 'ko? Hindi ba, dapat hindi mo 'ko hinahayaang masaktan?"

"Mommy, but now... You're the reason why I'm hurting," my voice broke. "You... You made me end the relationship I... hang on to. Mommy, si Elias... Buhay ko 'yon, e."

"I told you my reasons," she spoke casually.

I continued. "Si Elias 'yon nariyan kapag wala kayo. Si Elias 'yong naging support system ko sa mga panahon na dapat nariyan din kayo. He doesn't say anything about you, pinili niyang ipagpatuloy 'yong pagrerespeto niya sa inyo ni Dad... Sa 'yo. Lalo na sa 'yo. Kahit hindi mo man lang siya nirespeto."

"Mommy, nasasaktan na 'ko... Naririnig mo man lang ba ako?"

My mother started to tear up. I could see the tears forming around the corner of her eyes, her glares couldn't hide those tears. I sarcastically let go of a laugh when I saw her wiping the tears on her cheeks. Now, shes crying.

"Wala kang alam," panunumbat niya sa 'kin. "Nahihirapan din ako. Nahihirapan ako sa 'yo."

I bit my lower lip, she continued talking.