White Privilege

🔵 Chapter 15: Missing You

Baz's Pov

"Do you need me to drop you off anywhere? I have to head out to the club" I mumbled as I grab my watch of the nightstand and put it on my wrist.

"No, thank you. My ride is outside" Callum replied softly as he stood in the doorway of my bedroom.

His eyes were on the floor and he looked like his mind was elsewhere. I barely knew anything about him but, I knew damaged. I saw the shit every time I looked in the mirror. Besides, that phone call he had earlier only confirmed it.

"You good?" I asked.

"I just never really cried like that in front of someone I barely knew. I usually keep things together" he admitted.

"We all have a breaking point. Crying doesn't make you weak. It just means your a fucking human. We can't be strong all the time" I sighed thinking of my brother and how I spent the greater part of a year after his death crying myself to sleep.

"Thanks. I'm going to head out" Callum spoke. I just nodded in response before walking him to the door. As he was leaving, he paused and turned around.

"Can I...um see you again?" he whispered looking shy as his pale cheeks turned red.

"Sure" I responded in which he smiled before finally walking out the door.

After he was gone, I proceeded to getting dressed before grabbing my keys. As I got in my car, I thought about Callum. Maybe I was a little wrong about him. He seemed privileged but, with his own problems. Just from his conversation on the phone I could tell his parents weren't shit. No good parent would say some fucked up shit like that to their kid.

My drive was a good hour long. I had told Callum I was going to the club but, that was a lie. After the last visit with my mom, I was unable to think of anything else. Although fucking him helped, it was only a temporary fix.

It wouldn't bring my mother back and it sure as hell wouldn't take the bullets out my brothers chest. Nothing would ever be the same and most of me had made peace with that a long time ago.  Then there was this piece that was bitter and longed for the days when it would get just a little better. When the weight would lift a little off my shoulders.

Pulling onto the dirt path, I continued downhill til I reached the clearing where I parked my car next to the few that were there as well. Getting out, I took my phone and quickly put it on do not disturb.

"Man its been a while" I mumbled crouching down in front of the tombstone. Taking my hand, I dusted off the dead grass and dirt.

"Sorry I haven't been coming like I used too. Life kinda got in the way especially with the club but, thats no excuse. Anyways it doesn't change how much we miss you" I breathed.

A few tears fell from my eyes as I remembered the last time I saw my brother. It was in his casket, the day they were putting him into the ground. My mom was a mess, hell everyone was. Quan was well known through the neighborhood because of how good he was at basketball. Everyone thought he'd go straight to the pros and maybe he would of.

"Mom still hasn't accepted that your gone. She thinks you'll come and visit her. I can't break the news to her. I can't lose what I have left of her" I sighed.

Part of me already knew that I had already lost her. In some way my mom died the same day they killed Quan. She was never the same afterwards and now she was just a shell of who she used to be. Though she was all I had left so, I couldn't just let her go.

"God, I miss you brother" I said choking up on my words as the tears started coming harder and faster.

I stayed there for about an hour and half before saying goodbye and heading back to my car. Getting inside, I pulled out my phone so, I could check it.

"Fuck!" I cursed seeing 13 miss calls from Jason which meant there was a problem at the club. Immediately, I started my car and called him back on bluetooth.

"What's wrong?" I asked as soon as he picked up.

"I swear it wasn't my fault" Jason spoke.

"What?" I questioned already annoyed.

"This lady came in and started screaming and throwing things looking for her son. I think she is your mother. She looks like the picture you have in you office but, she was looking for a guy named Quan" he explained sounding confused.

"Where is she now?" I asked speeding up.

The fact that my mom was at my club put me on edge cause she was supposed to be in a home with 24hr watch. Knowing she had managed to get out and across town meant someone wasn't doing their job.

"One of the bottles girls got her to calm down but, she still seems on edge. What do you want me to do boss?" Jason stated.

"Nothing. Just watch her and I'll be right there" I responded before hanging up. Someone was going to lose there fucking job.

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This was kind of a filler chapter just getting into more of Baz grief and soon we'll see more of the relationship with his mother. Also, a big issue it coming up so, I hope your ready.
—-MissTAYTAY1 xoxo