White Privilege

🔵 Chapter 21: Addict

Callum's Pov

"If you keep doing that, I won't be able to focus" I whispered my eyes locked on his hand rubbing my leg.

We had left the basketball court and were now back at his apartment. After a quick shower, together, he gave me some clothes and I changed. Now we were lying in his bed just looking at each other.

"Well I'm waiting on you to speak but, all of a sudden you seem to not know the English language" he snickered pulling his hand away.

"It is not like I'm recounting my trauma or anything. Besides, now that I think about it, maybe it wasn't that bad" I stated sarcastically.

"Why do you say that?" Baz asked.

"Cause it just feels wrong to complain about my parents not understanding me when you have experienced something far worse. My problems seem minute when you compare it to losing a brother and having a mother who isn't really of sound mind" I sighed.

I used to think that my issues with my mom and dad were traumatic. After meeting Baz and hearing his story I realized how privileged I had been. So my parents cheated on each other and destroyed their marriage with me in the middle. It didn't compare to watching your brother sacrifice himself for you or seeing the effect loss had on your only parent.

"Hey, we all go through shit. Pain is pain and just because someone seems to experience more of it doesn't make yours insignificant. That doesn't help you" he hummed.

"Still, do you really wanna listen to my issues?" I questioned.

"I want to know more about you. I wanna understand what made you who you are. I'm trying to allow you in" Baz mumbled.

"Okay. Well, I guess the first time I remember being made aware of what was happening between my parents was when I was 10. I had just come home and noticed my mom's car was there. Before she retired she used to own a huge florist company. She and my father were rarely home before seven. Anyway, I saw her and our gardener. She was all over him. At the time, all I knew was she looked at him differently than how she looked at my dad" I explained.

"So your mom cheated first?" he asked and I shrugged in response.

"To be honest, I don't care who stepped out on who first. As I got older, I realized that it was their marriage and they could destroy it if they wanted to" I sighed.

"So why are you so angry at them?" Baz questioned.

"Cause they put me in the middle and they tried to pretend like everything was okay. I am angry because my father would throw my mistakes back in my face all while neglecting his own. I am upset that no matter how many times they cheat on each other, they always seem to be able to put their issues to the side long enough to go against me, their child" I said pausing a little before continuing.

"It used to be heartbreaking but, after a while I just became numb and I know that it looks like I am more upset with my father. That's just because it's easy to be angrier at him 'cause he doesn't even make an effort to fix things" I explained. The whole time I talked, I kept my eyes on my lap. I rarely discussed my childhood, because I hated to come off as just another complaining rich kid.

I mean what were my problems really, when compared to what Baz went through as a child? Hell, what he still goes through every day. They seemed minuscule when you sat down and thought about it.

"Maybe the things between you and your parents don't need to be fixed" Baz stated.

"What do you mean?" I questioned confused.

"You should try to just find a way forward with the both of them. Their relationship is their own and you may truly never know what kind of bullshit went down between them. That doesn't mean you suffer anymore because of it. You're a grown man. You can set boundaries and determine what kind of relationships you want in your life" he spoke.

Maybe he was right. Instead of focusing so much on the past and mistakes made maybe I should find a way to start fresh.

"Why is it up to us to break generational curses?" I groaned grabbing a pillow and burying my face in it.

"I don't know. Shit has got to be done though" Bas chuckled.

"Yeah but, sometimes I don't wanna heal or be the bigger person. I just wanna be a city boy" I mumbled lifting my head a little so he could hear me.

"City boy? Can tech nerds be city boys?" he questioned.

"Anyone can. Besides this tech nerd got you didn't he" I hummed smiling up at him.

"Yeah, he did" he breathed leaning down to kiss me.

Now I was never one to fall in love quickly but, I could tell the moment I met Baz that he was different. I wasn't in love, not yet. However, I could feel myself growing attached the more time I spent in his bed with his arms around me. It wasn't the sex. It was the simple act of him just holding me. There was this comfort in it that just soothed this yearning I've had since I was younger. It was addictive.

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-MissTAYTAY1 XOXO