I Needed You

35

Taylor's pov

As soon as Amanda and I made our way back to the hospital I regretted coming along.

I didn't want to deal with Sam or his stupid mouth.

"Come on," Amanda said as we walked down the hallway, "Do you really think he's still pissed with you?"

"He made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with me," I pointed don't as I slowed my pace.  Colby's hospital door was only a couple of feet away and I was not eager to go inside.

"He's just emotional.  Just like you," Amanda added quietly.  I rested my hand against the door, ready to push it open.

But I listened to what she had to say first.

"You may be in the mindset that Colby is the only one that's important right now, and whether or not that's the case, you can't be causing problems with the people you have left,"

"Are you saying that I'm the one causing problems?" I turned my head to stairs into her unreadable eyes.

"What I'm saying is that there's going to be a day when Colby isn't around.  And when he's not around there is no guarantee that they," She tapped on the door to indicate the others inside, "Will stay around and help you,"

"What if I don't want them around after he's gone?" I asked, my mouth speaking quicker than my brain can process what she had to say.

"Well," Amanda sighed, "Then U won't be just Colby they will be losing,"

She didn't give me a chance to respond because she pushed open the door to Colby's room, revealing Stas, Kat and Sam staring quietly at us.

Nobody said anything, only Kat giving us a friendly wave.  It didn't feel right to be in here, with Sam's blue eyes staring at me with a look I did not want to meet.

I do not believe he was still angry, or at least as angry as he was before.  But I would not put it past him to say something awful if I gave him the chance.

Strong emotions and a little bit of trauma can do that to a person.  Make them unpredictable, that is.

I sat down in the same seat I had been before, hesitating to reach for Colby's hand.  I didn't, and instead reached for his face, running the back of my fingers down his cheek and gently running my fingers through his hair, pulling it down to go over one half of his head.

I saw many old pictures of him with his hair similar to that, longer and straightened over to the side.  Now, he let it do as it pleased but kept it a little bit shorter.

I liked that.  I liked the change.  But I wonder if he ever missed it, it being him.  The old him.

I wish I got to know the old Colby, the younger Colby.  But Meghan got him.  He was happy then.

If she didn't die then he'd probably still be happy.  They might have a little family now. 

Maybe the fans liked her more.  I bet they did.  She was probably great.

And here I am, just little old me.  I chuckled out loud at the thought, causing the attention in the room to quickly divert to me.

"What's so funny?" Kat asked, and I could tell by her curious smile that she really wanted to know.

"Look at how I did his hair," I continued combing through it, brushing it more off to the side, "He looks like younger Colby," 

"He kind of does," Sam gave a half smile, even though he didn't look at me I could tell he wasn't angry with what I did to Colby's hair.

I fixed it kind of, worried that if Colby was awake he would have been slightly hurt by the change I made to his head.

"I called Colby's parents, well, her mom," I admitted, watching Colby instead of looking at everyone else in the room, "I figured they should know,"

"Yeah," Kat agreed, "What did she say?"

"They will be out later today," I glanced over at her, reaching for Colby's hand.

It felt cold, like he was dead.  But warm, like he was alive.

"Hey, Taylor can I talk to you for a minute?" Sam asked, nodding to the door, "In the hall?"

I waited to answer for a moment, debating on my options.  Then I looked over at Amanda and remembered what she said about trying to keep them around.  

I stood from my seat, looking down to Colby's closed eyes before letting his hand go and following Sam quietly.

He waited until the door was shut behind me before speaking, "I'm sorry for what I said earlier," Sam rubbed the back of his neck, seeming almost genuinely remorseful. 

"I respect your apology," I said coldly, staring at my nails that were lacking any type of polish, "But don't you think there are bigger issues going on than giving me a little apology?" I looked up at him to see him surprised by my sudden change in demeanor.

"I felt like you deserved it," Sam half shrugged, "But if you aren't willing to accept it than I don't want to make amends with you.  Just know that I regret all that I said.  And you should too,"

"Me?" I pointed at myself in disbelief, "You were the one who came yelling at me because I was unaware of his headaches for a couple of week.  Now how does that concern me?"

"Because you love him," He glared at me, "And he loves you.  Whether or not your stubborn ass will admit it, it's true.  And if it wasn't for me paying attention to what Colby was going through when you weren't around, we'd all still be confused on how this started,"

"Look," I snapped with irritation, "I've been dealing with his fucking bullshit for far too long.  It's different when your his friend versus when you are his lover.  And you don't seem to get that,"

"No maybe I don't," Sam agreed, "But what I do know is both of those roles have one thing in common.  They love Colby and treat him with respect,"

"Are you implying that I don't?" I asked with raised eyebrows.

"Clearly!" Sam threw his arms out to the side, "Ever since the two of you got back in touch you've been nothing but a dick to all of us!  But Colby is so determined to get you back that he doesn't care what type of hell you put him through!" 

"How dare you?" I crossed my arms, "Do you realize that my life has been complete hell?"

"And that's where you're wrong," Sam stepped closer to me, causing me to instantly step backwards, "You're head is so far up your ass I'm so surprised you haven't gone to see a doctor about it.  Cause you seriously need help,"

"You know I came out here to apologize," He backed away from me, "But I take it back.  I regret even trying,"

With that, he walked back into Colby's room, leaving me to wonder whether or not being here again was worth it.

Something was telling me it wasn't, but I was too far deep into this shit to leave.

For now.