cursed (2022)

chapter sixteen: mom and dad

Mom blacked out again. I'm sitting at one the end of the couch as she snores on the other. Today, it was eight cans of beer. She used to throw up a lot because her stomach couldn't take it, and I'd be the one holding her hair back.

Before Neil, our relationship was good. We weren't best friends, but we weren't enemies either. My dad was always my best friend. Back in San Diego, mom was always too busy trying to find a new boyfriend. Most of her boyfriends did suck, and then there was Neil. Mom may have had cheating boyfriends, or boyfriends who couldn't pay their rent, but Neil was horrible.

The only mutual understanding Billy and I ever had was that we both hated that man and he was not our father. One of the reasons why I hate Neil is because I feel like if it weren't for him, I could've formed a relationship with Billy. I always hated my mom for staying with him, she's such a suck up. He tried too hard to forcefully be my dad, and she allowed it. That's what ruined our relationship.

My mom let him dictate everything and anything. Maybe she feels the need to be loved, or something. Maybe that's why she stayed with dad so long. Neil ruined the last bit of San Diego for me. I remember he made me skip seeing my dad a lot because he thought I was "around him too much". In reality, he knew I'd never like him and that he'd never be able to compete with Sam Mayfield. My dad was the only one that understood me, which is why I was with him so much. He may not have been responsible, but he was my best friend and my father.

When my mom first told me we were moving to Indiana, I knew I wasn't going to let it happen. I had a game plan. I took her money to buy myself a ticket to my dad's. Before I could even get on the bus, the police found me. After that day, my mom lost a lot of trust in me. Neil blamed Billy, and he grew to hate me even more.

Thinking about it now, if I could go back to dad, I would. I haven't seen or heard of him in so long. If I ever got in contact with him while Neil was around, God knows what he'd do to me. I do miss my dad though. If I ever saw him again, I would tell him everything about Hawkins regardless of what the government says. I would tell him about Billy, and how I once wished he was dead. I would tell him about how I isolate myself from the people I love because I don't know how to cope. I would tell him about Lucas and how in love I am with him even if we're not together. He would listen. Dad would order pizza and Dr Pepper to cheer me up and we'd watch TV until we were having battles with our eyes to stay awake. Dad would make it better.

I'm hoping that one day I can save up enough money so I can visit him in California- if he's even still there. I hope he thinks about me and misses me every day just the way I think about and miss him.