cursed (2022)

chapter twenty-three: letters

I didn't get any sleep last night. It took a whole lot of convincing, but Mrs. Wheeler agreed to let us stay in Mike's basement for the night since everyone insists I need people around me. They're not wrong, but people around me or not, I'm still going to die. Chrissy had Eddie, and she's dead.

Nancy told me that I should at least try to sleep, but I can't. I'm terrified. I eventually gave in to the fact that I wasn't going to sleep and went to sit at Mike's desk. My mind was on a lot of different things, but they all led back to the fact that I don't have much time left. I figured instead of moping like I usually do, I'll write letters. Farewell letters.

I found envelopes and paper in one of the drawers and took a couple. I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to be saying in a farewell letter. It's not just a farewell letter though, I'll never get to write another one again.

I kept messing up, so I was wasting a lot of paper. I debated on writing Nate and my other friends back home letters, but I don't even know if they'd consider me a friend anymore. I completely lost contact with them after we moved, and they weren't too fond of me before we moved because of Billy. I can't even blame them because Billy broke Nate's arm and lied about it, saying it was an accident. Me and Nate just played along. He was a soft kid though, I never was. Looking back on it, I should've spoken up. Maybe then he wouldn't have avoided me in the cafeteria. Maybe he would've come over at least one more time. Maybe he would've said goodbye before I left for Hawkins, and maybe we'd still talk to this day.

Before I knew it, it was morning and everyone was awake. It was only me, Steve, Lucas, and Dustin in the basement. I can hear them talking about me, they're not even trying to be quiet.

"Did she sleep?" I hear Dustin say.

"I mean, would you?" Lucas says.

Before anyone could answer that question, the basement door slammed and Robin and Nancy made their way to the couch. They say they have a plan. They've printed out fake college portfolios. They want to go to an institution where one of Vecna's victims is being held because they think he killed his family, or something. I don't know the full story, I'm just listening to what they're saying.

Steve, Nancy, and Robin eventually disappear upstairs. I still have two letters left: mom and Lucas. I know what I'm going to say to my mom, but not so much to Lucas. After all this time, I still have feelings for him. I don't know if he likes me as anything more than a friend anymore. Sure, he invited me to all his games, but he does that with Dustin and Mike too- his friends. Maybe I should just play it safe and be friendly, but there's so much more I want to say. The chances of me surviving this are slim to zero. If I'm going to die, I won't get another chance, so I might as well go for it.

When I'm done with the letters, I seal them all and write everyone's names on their letters. The last name I wrote was Billy's. It's so quiet in here. I can feel everyone's eyes on me. Are they not bored of looking at my back? I guess it's nice to see they still care even after how distant I've been.

"I know you guys are staring at me," I finally say.

They all shift positions and make their selves look busy. Steve grabs a baseball, Lucas picks up a newspaper, and Dustin pics up a book. It was almost funny until I remembered the circumstances.

"How you think your eyes boring me into the back of my head is protecting me from Vecna, I don't know." I sigh as I put the letters together and stand up.

I walk over to the couch, letters in hand. Now they're pretending I'm not here at all. They're acting busy, like they can't see me right in front of them. They're so stupid, but I'm going to miss the stupidity.

"You can look at me now," I tell them.

They all thank me and apologize. I shuffle through the letters until I get to find the one that belongs to Dustin.

I extend my hand out to him, "For you." I find the one that I wrote for Steve and hand it to him, "For you." and lastly, Lucas, "And, um, you."

I sigh before shuffling the letters again, handing three more to Lucas, "Oh, and, um, give these to Mike, El, and Will...if you can ever get ahold of them again."

Dustin starts to open his letter, but I stop him.

"Hey, what are you doing? No, don't- that's not for now, don't open it now."

"Don't...okay." Dustin looks confused. I thought it'd be self-explanatory. "I'm sorry, what is this?"

"It's um," I look down at my feet and pause. "It's a fail-safe. For after...if things if they don't work out."

"Wait, woah," Lucas says. "Max, things are gonna work out."

This is what I meant when I said Lucas is a problem-solver. Not everything can be fixed. How are they planning on beating a dark wizard who's already successfully murdered two people? We won the last few times by pure luck, and because El had her powers. People have been telling me things will get better, but they only get worse. I want to believe my friends, I really do, but I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I haven't for a long time.

"No!" I snap. "No, I don't need you to reassure me right now and tell me it's all gonna work out, because people have been telling me that my entire life and it's almost never true." I pause for a beat. "It's never true. I mean, of course this asshole curses me. Should've seen that one coming."

It's quiet for a moment before I inhale. I have to go back home. I need to take the letters there so that when my mom gets back from work, she'll see hers and eventually send out the others. I also need to go to the cemetery to read Billy his letter, even if he can't hear me.

I look over at Dustin's walkie before I walk over to the table to pick it up, "If we go to East Hawkins, will this still reach Pennhurst?"

"Of course, yeah." Dustin nods.

"Why are we talking about East Hawkins?" Steve questions. I stare at him without saying anything. "No. No. No!"

I run to the desk and grab my backpack and quickly run upstairs, shutting the door behind me. Steve catches up pretty quickly though, so I guess basketball paid off. He screams and curses at me all the way to the front door until we're outside walking to his car.

"Seriously, I'm not joking. Okay? I'm not driving you anywhere!" he says.

I have to get these letters out and he's going to get me where I need to be whether he likes it or not.

"Steve, if you think I'm going to spend what is likely the last day of my life in the armpit that is Mike Wheeler's basement, then you're out of your mind," I tell him. "So either take me where I need to go, or you're gonna have to tie me down, which is technically kidnapping of a minor. And if I live to see another day, Steve, I swear to God, I will prosecute."

I pull the handle to his door, but it's locked.

"Open the door," I demand.

He looks around, "Uh, no."

"I know a good lawyer."

Steve scoffs and shakes his head before digging into his pocket for his keys and looking at Dustin. That's how I know I won.

"Henderson, that super walkie of yours better reach Pennhurst," Steve says, half threatening him.

I open the door and take my backpack off my shoulders to put it inside the car before I hear ticking again. I turn around and see the clock in the distance behind a fence. The clock chimes and my heart skips a beat. I feel like I'm unable to move. It's another reminder that my time is running out.