cursed (2022)

chapter two: benny's

I don't think mom and Neil divorcing would be so bad if she wasn't acting the way she is now. I never liked Neil. Neil is the reason Billy was an ass, and the reason why mom is such a suck-up. If I wanted to do anything, she'd ask him first. He always tried too hard to act like my dad. He even tried to make me call him "dad" a couple times, but "sir" is the farthest I ever went.

Now he and my mom are divorcing. He's pretty much taking all of our stuff. I get to take things like my bed and the decorations in my room, but he's keeping things like the furniture and appliances. Even then, we still need to sell a lot of my stuff because we don't have money.

I actually never thought mom and Neil would divorce. If it weren't for Billy, mom would've never seen how crazy he is. But I would've preferred that than Billy dying altogether.

Mom had a bunch of boyfriends when I was growing up, but they all turned out to be sick and twisted in their own special ways. Neil was sick and twisted too, but maybe she was so desperate to be loved that she just took it because she didn't think she'd find anything better. I wish she waited just a little longer for someone better, because now look at her. Look at us.

Lucas insisted we hang out today, so we're at Benny's. I used to take him here a lot just to sit and watch the sunset. It's quiet when it isn't being raided by football players or stoners, and that's what I like about it.

Even though I'm hanging out with Lucas, my mind keeps going back to how I'm going to have to go to that shitty trailer park when this is all over.

Lucas is telling me about how excited he is about high school. He says it's going to be a fresh start for him to find himself, and that are so many things he could try. He tells me about how he doesn't want to get bullied anymore, so he's going to stop wearing the bandanna he usually wears around his head and leave his wrist rocket at home from now on. He goes on about all the hairstyles he could try. Then he eventually asks me if I'm excited.

"I mean, not really," I mumble.

"Why?"

"It's high school, Lucas," I say. "High school sucks."

"High school only sucks for people who aren't popular, which is why I need to get up there so none of us get bullied," he explains.

I've never really been bullied. Before this, girls would tease me a bit because I've always been more of a tomboy, but it was never consistent. I think I have more of a girly side to me too, but only El's seen that.

"I don't think we'll get bullied if we mind our business," I say. I'm not actually entirely sure, I just hope I'm right. I know high school is going to be terrible either way.

"That's not how it works," Lucas shakes his head. "Me, Dustin, Mike, and Will? We've been bullied our entire lives. We've never done anything to anyone, people just want someone to pick on."

I don't say anything for a moment, "Hopefully everyone's matured a bit."

I say that, but then I remember how Billy would treat people. How he would treat me. If someone like him once walked around Hawkins High, then there are probably people even worse than him.

"I actually don't know," I say after a bit.

After that, Lucas gets back to talking about what changes he's going to make to prevent it anyway. I like him how he is, but it's up to him. I stare at the sky and let my mind wander again, tuning out whatever he's saying. High school is the least of my worries right now. I don't want to make friends or meet new people, I just want to stare at the sky forever and forget I live in a shitty trailer park with an alcoholic for a mother.

After a while, Lucas realizes I'm not listening and changes the subject.

"Do you still come here a lot?" he asks.

"Yeah," I nod. "When I need to clear my head. I go to Elmore a lot now though."

Elmore is one of my three favorite places. It's a skatepark. I don't skate a lot these days, but I'll have to when school starts. It's not like I'm gonna have a ride home.

"Clear your head from what?"

"Normal things," I lie. The things I need to clear my head from are always far from normal. Lucas doesn't push it though.

I wish I could go back to California. I wish I could've gone with El and Will. That would be so much better than staying here, and I wouldn't be so far from my dad. I'd be able to visit him a lot. He'd teach me how to build gadgets that probably aren't legal and I'd watch him make fake IDs, just like he used to.

"You never finished teaching me how to skate," Lucas says.

"I've been busy."

Lucas nods and we sit in silence. There's nothing to talk about anyway.