cursed (2022)

chapter seventeen: pep rally

I woke up today more tired than ever. I didn't get any sleep at all. These past few months have been rough, but for the past few days, I've been having really vivid nightmares about Billy. I'd wake up in cold sweats and get headaches on later on in the day. I take Tylenol to school now because of it.

My mom and smokes drinks no less than she did before, maybe even more. I had been telling Ms. Kelley about the nightmares and headaches, but only because it was new. At least it's almost spring break.

Going to school today was most dreadful. The basketball team made the championships, so there's a mandatory pep rally. Despite me and Lucas not being together, I guess we're still friends. He's invited me to every single one of his games by slipping notes in my locker. I keep the notes, but I don't show up to the games.

As I get off the bus, Ms. Kelly stops me and asks why I didn't come in yesterday. Truth is, I didn't want to, but I told her I forgot. I was hoping she'd let it go, but she wants me to come in at lunch.

The pep rally was packed, another reason why I was dreading it. It's way too early for this much noise. I spot Mike and Dustin and go and make my way to go stand by them while the cheerleaders do their routines.

The band starts to play, and I stand next to Mike. I already have a pounding headache and this isn't making it any better. He and Dustin are clapping and arguing over whose girlfriend is better than who's. I put my bag down as they debate.

"Look, I'm not saying that my girlfriend is better than yours, it's just that Suzies', like, a certified genius."

"You do realize El saved the world twice, right?" Mike questions.

"And get you still have a C in Spanish," Dustin retorts. Mike gives him a glare in return.

For anyone who's ever been friends with Dustin, it's common knowledge that he has a girlfriend named Suzie who is extremely smart and good at hacking.

The cheerleaders finish up their routine and everyone starts to cheer and the principal signals the basketball team to come in.

"Let's hear it for your Tigers!"

Almost immediately, they start running inside. Everyone starts to clap. So do I, but unenthusiastically.

"Good morning, Hawkins High!" Jason yells into the mic. "First off, I'd like to thank each and everyone one of you. Without your support, we wouldn't be here, give yourselves a big hand!"

He says that as if it isn't a mandatory pep rally. Besides, everyone talks down in the Tigers. Nobody actually believed they'd make it this far, so the support is nonexistent.

Regardless of how annoyed I am right now, I continue to clap slowly. Lucas and I make brief eye contact and he waves. I just look away. Maybe he was waving at Mike and Dustin, but he's too sweet to not wave at me too- maybe it was just me he was waving at? Regardless, I don't wave back because it feels awkward and I really don't want to be here in the first place.

Jason keeps talking about whatever he's talking about before I hear, "Chrissy...Chrissy, I love you, babe."

Public acts of affection like that shouldn't even be a thing. All I want to do is get this stupid rally over with and he wants to tell his girlfriend he loves her in front of the entire school at six in the damn morning. Get a room!

"You know," Jason says. I assume he's going to give us all a corny speech, or something. "It's been a tough year for Hawkins. So much loss."

Oh, so he's going there.

"And sometimes I wonder, "How much loss can one community take?" In dark days like this, we need something to believe in. So last night, when we were down by then points at half to Christian Academy, I looked at my team, and I said "Think of Jack"."

My heart immediately drops. I know what he's going to say. He's going to start listing the names of everyone who's died due to the tragedies of this town. How could he link any of this to a stupid basketball game, using dead people as motivation?

Both my heart and my stomach drop when he says, "Think of Billy". Lucas looks at me right when he says it. We make eye contact again, but only for me to break it. Now I'm just looking down at my feet wishing this was over. His pep talk is bullshit. If I was dead right now, I wouldn't want to be used as a reason why Hawkins should win a goddamn basketball game.

Everyone is agreeing with Jason, though. They think his speech is magical or something. Despite how horrible he is, everyone loves him. Everyone chooses to turn a blind eye to the people he picks on, but I guess that's high school.

"Let's win this game for them, and that's exactly what we did!"

Everyone is cheering but Dustin and Mike look hurt and annoyed at the same time. I can tell they're thinking the same thing I am. It's nice to see that some people still have sense.

Jason finished off his speech by pretty much promising everyone they'd bring home that trophy tonight. That isn't all that believable because the basketball team has sucked for a long time, and hasn't won a championship in years, but maybe they've got a shot.

"Tonight?" Mike looks at Dustin.

Dustin's eyebrows raise, "How is that possible?"

"They call it a tournament," I say sarcastically. "You win one game, you go on to the next until there's only one team left."

Anytime I'm talking to them, I'm almost always being sarcastic. Maybe they shouldn't ask stupid questions. Dustin and Mike almost look panicked though, as if they go to any of Lucas' games in the first place. They say they don't go because Lucas is always benched, which is true, but maybe they also never came around to the fact that Lucas chose basketball over Hellfire.

Lucas is cheering and high-fiving his teammates. Mike's looking at him weirdly, but I can't tell why. I don't bother to ask either.

When the pep rally is over, Mike and Dustin wait for Lucas outside the boys locker room while I go and get stuff from my locker and go to class.

The period drags by as usual, and I end up falling asleep. I used to have trouble sleeping, but not like this. The nightmares feel more real than before, so much so that I'm always fighting to stay away when my body wants to shut down so I won't have to witness what happened to Billy over and over again.