american beauty // joshler

10

josh's point of view

it's been about two months working for vapor now. two months of seeing tyler so frequently, working my ass off as a distraction, and dodging his party invitations every other night.

ayden and i have still been doing okay, despite the itch that crawls over my skin each time tyler looks past my camera and into my eyes like there's no one else in the room.

they say distance makes the heart grow fonder though, and i'm currently standing at the airport with ayden, hopeful that it's true. he's got some culinary conference. i'm not quite sure what exactly that entails, but he'll be in arizona for a few days to attend it.

we're sitting on a bench while he waits for his boarding call (which is scheduled for 5:30 am, probably as a punishment for me from whatever god exists). his head is resting on my shoulder, his phone in his hand as he scrolls through his timeline. i look around the building, too tired to focus on anything other than keeping my eyes open.

my eyes land on a girl sitting across the room. she's flipping through a magazine. on the back page, a familiar face stares at me.

i usually feel a sense of pride seeing anything i've made in public, on billboards or in magazines, things like that. this time, all i feel is a headache.

-

"okay, j. don't work too hard while i'm gone, yeah? i'll be back in a few days but you have to take care of yourself for me. you've had too much on your plate lately. i love you," ayden says, his lips curved up into his pillowtop smile, soft and comforting.

"no promises, but i love you too. i hope you have fun. i'll miss you." i lean down and kiss him once before stepping back, a solemn look left on his face. "go on now, you'll miss your flight and i don't want you to start crying because then i'll cry."

he laughs a little and nods. "you're right, you're right. i'll go now. bye, j. i'll see you soon."

"see you soon, love."

-

i sleep for awhile longer once i get home. i have nothing due today and no shoots scheduled, so i sleep in. i don't get out of bed to really start my day until shortly past ten.

i spend the rest of the morning and afternoon getting a few things done around the house. laundry, dishes, things like that. i get a few groceries and put them away. when there is nothing left for me to possibly do, i decide to watch tv for a while. i get sucked into some true crime documentary jayla recommended and i don't realize how much time has passed until i feel my phone buzz with a text and the time says 8:37 p.m.

tyler joseph: jim! come to my party!!

i stare at the message, my heart beating faster as i consider his request. i shouldn't, i know. but... there's nothing better to do. ayden isn't here and i've done nothing but sit around all day. it might be nice to get out and do something. it's not like i'm going to do anything. we're friends, right? we're supposed to be making an attempt at friendship, whatever that means.

i hold my breath as i type my reply.

josh: what's your address?

-

tyler's house is huge and modern. music is playing so loudly that i can hear it through the door, which tyler told me should be unlocked. i turn the knob with clammy hands and open it, stepping inside and taking in my surroundings. it's a beautiful house, but there are no touches of tyler to make it a home. it's strange and i feel like i shouldn't be here, shouldn't touch anything.

i recognize a few models and various other celebrities throughout the mass of people and there are drugs and booze everywhere. it's intimidating and my heart is pounding in my chest. i begin to think i'm too far in over my head here, drowning in this sea of lights and heavy bass, secondhand smoke in my eyes as i look for tyler. i eventually spot him, leaning against a wall with a red cup in his hand as he bats his eyelashes at a man whose face i cant see.