american beauty // joshler

15

tyler's point of view

the man on top of me stills and grunts unceremoniously, collapsing on the bed next to me after.

i sigh and sit up, watching as he pulls himself together enough to dig through his bedside drawer and pull out a substance i've never used before. the list isn't long and i'm always curious, but hesitant, of what's available.

"would you like some, gorgeous?" the man asks. i didn't ask his name and i'm not going to.

"i don't know. i don't think so," i shake my head, feeling weird and a little guilty.

i don't owe josh anything, but for some reason, i feel like this is exactly what he meant when he asked me to stay safe.

"come on, it's no big deal. watch me," he insists, demonstrating how to smoke whatever it is he's using as if i haven't smoked anything before. we shared a bowl before coming up here and it's not like i'm a stranger to harder drugs either.

"fine," i give in and follow his lead. the taste is bitter and it leaves a film in my mouth.

"now, just lie back and wait," the man sighs and lies back down, flat on his back with his eyes closed.

i do the same but leave my eyes open, looking up at his ceiling. it's painted a different shade of tan than the walls and i hate it.

the high hits me all at once, leaving me dizzy and so tired i can't keep my eyes open anymore.

-

i wake up to my phone ringing. i sit up immediately, my head pounding as i scramble to grab my phone from the nightstand.

"hello?" i answer without checking to see who it is.

"mr. joseph, i'm about to pull up outside," steven says, "i brought you a smoothie for breakfast."

"oh, steven, you're a lifesaver. i'll be out in just a second," i tell him, hanging up to locate and put on my clothes.

once i triple check that i've got everything, i rush out of the hotel and see steven waiting for me in the lobby.

he hands me the smoothie and two tylenol. "i figured you might want those," he says, referring to the medicine.

"yes, thank you. you are an absolute angel, steven." i take the pills with a drink of my smoothie and follow him to the car. i get in the passenger seat while he goes around to the driver's side.

the sun shining through the window casts a nice warmth over my skin, but the light is much too bright. if my body didn't hurt, i'd reach behind my seat to get my sunglasses from my bags, but i really can't be bothered to right now.

i can't wait to be home.

-

steven wakes me up again when i'm back at my house. he helps me carry my things in and i thank him, giving him a wad of cash that i don't bother to count before he leaves.

i lock the door and flop down onto my couch. i could probably go back to sleep if i sat here long enough, but i hear my phone buzz and remember a promise i made yesterday.

jim 💖: i hope you didn't wake up dead.

the message makes me smile. a new feeling crawls over my skin like goosebumps, one that has the same warmth as the sun through the window.