american beauty // joshler

34

tyler's point of view

i get to set five minutes early. i couldn't sleep very well and this is the one thing i think i'm too terrified of being late to.

josh is already there when i get there, which pulls a smile onto my face. he returns it, bringing me into a tight hug as soon as he can reach me.

"hey, ty," he speaks quietly, for just me to hear.

"hey, j."

"tyler! thank god." regina walks over to us and i feel embarrassed for some reason, like a teenage girl caught with her boyfriend in her room past curfew.

"good morning, darling. of course i'm here. i can't be late to something that airs live."

she nods. "good. hair and makeup is in there," she points to a door to her right. "they'll have your outfit in there for you too."

"sounds good. thank you, regina."

"that's my job, kid. good to see you, josh. i'll be around if either of you need me," she says, immediately walking away after.

"will you come with me?" i ask, looking to josh again.

"of course. i'm just here for moral support today," he says, taking my hand like i so often do his.

it makes me nervous.

while i sit for hair and makeup, josh tells me about some weird dream he had last night. i listen to every word, letting it distract me from my anxiety for just a minute or two.

once i'm ready, we still have maybe twenty minutes to spare.

"i'm so scared. i asked regina what kinds of questions they were going to ask me last night, but what if they go totally off course? or what if i forget the answers i prepared and say something stupid? or-"

josh cups my face with both hands and kisses me. i feel my lips mold to his, the end of my next sentence forgotten at the feeling of his thumbs on my cheekbones.

"thank you," i tell him, slightly breathless.

three more words almost slip out after that, but i don't let them.

"you'll do great, baby. and i'll be just a few feet away, okay?"

baby.

"okay."

-

"thank you for being here today," the woman interviewing me smiles warmly.

"thank you for having me," i reply, trying to calm my nerves. i have to stop myself from fidgeting with my hands, from scratching or tapping or anything that would give me something to focus on.

she asks me a few of the questions regina had mentioned, about my career and social media. when she asks me about brendon, i feel myself tense.

this wasn't something i'd prepared for. of course, i'm used to the speculation and the questions being thrown at me by paparazzi and twitter users. i usually ignore them. this is not the same.

"oh, brendon and i are just good friends. we've known each other for years," i say. it's not a lie, but i feel like there's much more pressure for me to be believed now.

"i see. so, is there someone else then?" she raises her eyebrows, still smiling. i know she's just doing her job, that she doesn't know how stressful that question is for me to answer.

i hesitate before answering, hoping she won't call me out on it.

"no, not at the moment."

she switches gears then, which i'm grateful for, but it doesnt change the tightness in my lungs.

"so, back to your work life. you're one of the biggest models in the industry. how did you get here?"

i clear my throat softly and plaster my fake smile back onto my face, building my facade back up as best as i can for the cameras.

"promise, precision, and a mess of youthful innocence, darling."

-

after the interview, josh and i get lunch together.

"do you think you'll ever want to be in a public relationship? i mean, if we do date. if you ever... want to or are ready to," he stumbles over the question, but i know why he's asking it.

"i've never been in a real relationship, so i guess i've never thought about it. i mean, public outings are one thing. we're in public right now. brendon's fans always thought we were a thing, a ton of people did. some of them would approach me or message me and harass me about it. a lot of them were really... mean, and we weren't even together. i wouldn't want you to be subjected to that. it's a lot to deal with," i answer honestly.

i don't have a problem with public relationships in general and i wouldn't be embarrassed to be with him. i do think it would take awhile before i was comfortable with it though. not just because of the pressure that comes with it, but because i'm still working out my feelings about it all too.

"i understand that." he nods. he doesn't seem upset, which provides me with some relief.

i reach across the table and take his hand in mine. "people will dissect us till this doesn't mean a thing anymore, darling. i don't want that. i want this to be for us, whatever it is and whatever it ends up being. i'm a very public person, but i think i want to protect this. i think i have to."

he takes that in for a moment before speaking again.

"so... you do want it to be something? at some point?"

"i do. i just don't know how to. i don't know when i'll be ready or how to get there. it's all scary and it's a lot to think about. i've changed so much, over and over. this is the best version of me i think i've seen yet, but it's scary to be so soft.

"i don't know what you're doing to me, mon chéri, but the truth will catch up with us eventually. i just hope i'm not too late when it does."

(an: i feel like this is a short chapter bc the others have been so long but its still over 900 words 😭)