american beauty // joshler

41

josh's point of view

tyler comes to stand behind me, his chin on my shoulder as i show him the pictures i took on my camera.

in the photos, he's leaning back against the floor-to-ceiling window. he has a coy look on his face and fondness in his eyes. behind him, there's a backdrop of hills, the beach, and a sunset beginning to form in the clouds. they're unedited and unfiltered, and he wears only my clothes and his small smile.

it's probably the first time the real tyler has been photographed. and he looks heavenly.

"they're beautiful," he says, his voice quiet.

"you're beautiful," i correct him, leaving my camera on my desk to turn toward him. "you know that?"

he blushes and looks down, shaking his head. "i guess."

i don't bother trying to argue the point anymore. i lean down to kiss him instead, and bring my hands up to hold his face. he whimpers, the smallest sound escaping his lips.

i smile against him. the sound he makes only spurs me on and i walk forward until his back is against the window again. he gasps when he meets the cool glass and his hands come to my chest and stop there.

i pull away to look at him again, something i still think i could do forever.

his cheeks are sweet red like cherries and his eyes are saucer-wide. he looks at me like he can't believe that i'm real, like i might change my mind and disappear at the drop of some designer hat in his closet.

"can i, um, maybe take your shirt off?" his voice is hardly above a whisper now.

"do you mean the one i'm wearing or the one you're wearing?" i tease him, unable to keep the smile away from my face.

"either, i guess. both?" he giggles, but i know he's nervous.

we've done other things, but we haven't had sex since the first time after that awful party. it was my idea, to take things slower, despite living together. he almost cried when i'd mentioned it, but not because he didn't want to wait. he told me he felt gross for a lot of the things he'd done in the past and that he regretted so much of it, that he would take it all back if he could.

"i would've waited," he said, "i would've waited if i had known that it could be like this, if i had known that it could mean something."

"i'm just messing with you, ty." i pause to kiss him again, just once, before continuing, "you can do whatever you want."

"you definitely shouldn't trust me with that much power." he laughs again as he pulls my shirt off, the one he's wearing following shortly after.

"i'd trust you with my life, tyler."

"oof. probably not the smartest decision, considering what i've done with mine."

"i don't care. it all brought you to me, didn't it?"

he pauses, his face full of too many emotions to count. then, "yeah. i guess it did."

i kiss him again and we end up on the floor, with me lying over him. gentle touches wander over soft skin. the warmth of the sun behind the window is fading as it sets. it's replaced by the warmth of our bodies touching as our pants are removed to join our shirts across the room.

"are you sure?" he asks the question with a hesitance in his eyes, face flushed and lips full.

"if you are," i answer but leave it open-ended. another question, but a less obvious one.