american beauty // joshler

32

tyler's point of view

i stand in my place on set as josh takes the photos. he's got a small smile on his face while he does so, like photographing me is different now. it feels different. i keep saying that over and over, but there's no other way to describe it.

there's butterflies in my stomach and a hummingbird in my heart, sipping on the sweet nectar of the way i've been feeling this past week.

i feel happy in a way i've never felt before, a genuine, honey flavored kind that i've never experienced with any type of drug out there.

we haven't had a chance to hang out again, but we've been texting more. we've even talked on the phone a few times, hour long conversations left in my call-logs that make me smile whenever i see them.

the shoot goes by quickly and when we wrap, josh waits for me to change and then walks with me to the elevator. he takes my hand in his and presses the button for us.

"do you have plans after this?"

"no, i don't think so. why?" i ask, staring at him unabashedly.

there's no point in trying to hide it now. there's no cat and mouse, no game, only the stitch i've tied between us that's keeping me upright.

"because i want to take you on a date. if you'd like to go on one anyway." he presses the button to the ground floor when we step into the elevator and my eyes follow his hand as he does so.

"oh? i don't think i've ever even been on a real date," i admit, feeling the hummingbird in my chest take flight again.

"then i guess the pressure is on me to make it good." he just smiles at me, so sweet it makes my teeth hurt.

"i'm sure i'll love it no matter what."

"i was just thinking the usual stuff. we could go out and have a nice dinner, then go back to one of our houses and watch a movie or something." we step out of the elevator and he only lets go of my hand to step forward and open the glass door of the building for me.

"are you trying to wine, dine, netflix and chill with me, jim?" i can't help but laugh a little at my own reply.

"maybe a few of those things." we stop in front of steven's car and he pulls me into a hug, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "i'll pick you up later, okay?" he breaks the hug and opens the car door for me.

"i'll see you then, j."

on the way back home, i can't help but feel the giant, lingering smile on my face. my cheeks almost hurt by the time i get there, but it only gets bigger when i feel my phone buzz with a text from him.

jim 💖: does 7 sound okay?

tyler: perfect.

-

it's still weird, being home alone and sober. i haven't seen brendon since the last party and i've only talked to him over text a few times since. i haven't smoked anything but my cigarettes since then and i haven't had any alcohol either.

i still catch myself thinking about it though. i almost had a bit to smoke a few days ago, but i've evidently made some subconscious, unspoken arrangement with myself to try and quit, for josh. i don't want an inebriated mistake to ruin things. this is good, and i want to keep it that way.

i manage to pass the time alone in other ways. i've taken up yoga. i've started listening to podcasts. i even started reading again.

eventually, i hear a knock on my door and jump up from the couch, my book abandoned on the coffee table and a beaming smile already forming on my face.