american beauty // joshler

37

josh's point of view

my silence carries itself with me on my drive home.

i've seen tyler flip through emotions like channels on cable tv, but today felt different. today was scary. not because i'm scared of him, like he seemed to think, but because i'm scared for him. he didn't seem fully himself. i don't know what brendon said to him or what he was thinking when he found that needle, but the expression on his face made my skin crawl.

then, as i'm closing my front door behind me, i realize something. this is all brendon's fault. he's the one who started everything, back when he met tyler and led him down the path he's been on. he's the one who caused all of this, even if somewhat indirectly. he talked to tyler last night and whatever he said brought him to relapse.

i feel my blood boil as i pull out my phone to text him.

josh: what the fuck did you say to tyler last night.

my hands shake as they hold my phone tightly. i pace back and forth as i wait for his reply. it comes sooner than expected.

brendon: none of your business. why don't you ask him?

josh: i tried. i found him passed out this morning and had to all but slap him in the fucking face to get him to wake up. whatever you said made him upset enough to relapse.

brendon: i didn't do shit. if he relapsed, that's on him. not me.

josh: fuck you. what did you say to him.

brendon: nothing he didn't already know.

josh: tell me.

brendon: i told him he would never change, because he won't. the only changes he makes are to himself based on who he's around. but tyler, at his core, will never fucking change. you wouldn't know i guess, because you don't know him. at all.

josh: i do know him. and i may not know you, but i know you're a jealous, pretentious fuck that isn't used to being told no. get over yourself.

brendon: boohoo. what am i jealous of? you were only meant to be a game of chase, idiot. he doesn't care about you. he doesn't care about anyone.

josh: fuck. you. you did this shit to him.

brendon: i didn't do anything. now, i'm going to go over there and fix whatever the hell YOU did.

josh: what i did? are you fucking serious right now?

brendon: yep. i'm gonna go fix it and then i'm going to fuck him just how he likes, just like you wish you could.

i fight the urge to throw my phone across the room. he is infuriating. i guess it's like they say. never meet your heroes.

before i can think of something to reply with, my phone rings. tyler's name pops up on my screen and the fire inside me turns to ice.

i answer immediately.

"hello? tyler? are you okay? do you want me to come back?" my words spill out of me quickly and i'm not certain he'll be able to understand them.

"no, dont waste your gas," he replies quietly. i can tell he's been crying. he can't quite mask the rawness in his voice with the calm he's attempting to personify.