american beauty // joshler

22

josh's point of view

it has officially been four months since i've started at vapor. it seems like so much has happened, like so much has been going on that there's no way 122 days could fit everything into them.

i'm sitting in a quarterly meeting with several others, jayla included, tyler excluded. he's shooting for some music video out of town and won't be back until tomorrow.

according to whoever is speaking (i think regina's boss), this quarter has been incredible. the woman mentions both me and jayla by name with a proud smile, welcoming us and thanking us for the work we've done so far.

it is fast-paced and chaotic at times, but i think i like it a lot more than i did at my previous employer. whether or not that's because of tyler is a can of worms i avoid opening.

i really am grateful to have my dream job and i'm so glad i was able to help jayla reach hers. she's absolutely beaming in the meeting and agrees with no hesitation when i offer to buy her lunch in celebration.

"so, bigshot, how's promoted life treating you?" i ask her, raising my glass of water in a cheers to her. "i'm proud of you."

"thank you. i'm great, honestly. i love it. i love everything about it," she says, still smiling. "i'm just... thank you, josh. really. this is incredible."

"don't thank me. you've worked hard to get here and you're so talented. you deserve this."

we chitchat about things and she doesn't ask about tyler, though i can tell she really wants to.

i pay our tab and she hugs me goodbye, a look in her eyes that hopes i'm okay when her mouth won't ask directly.

i drive home and intend to lose myself in editing when i get there. i do end up able to do so for awhile, trying to ignore the stirring in my stomach when i have to work on a few photos that feature tyler.

he's so perfect. it's incredibly frustrating. i have to try and remember what he said, how he feels about photos like this. maybe one day i'll be able to photograph him just... as a friend. no makeup, no editing. maybe i can show him what i see, one of the things no one else seems to care about. the soft, scared, melancholy of his natural self.

i get a text as i'm finishing up my work. i pick up my phone and see a text from ayden.

ayden: hey, j! wanna go try that new mexican restaurant? maybe i could stay over after? missing you <3

i fight the urge to groan in exasperation, and then the urge to throw up at the fact that annoyance was my first reaction.

josh: sure! i'm finishing up some editing, do you wanna meet me here?

ayden: sounds good! see you soon :)

i finish up the photo i'm working on and submit the work i got done. i close my laptop and stand, stretching my arms above my head and then making my way to my room to make sure i look okay.

there's a knock on my door a little bit later and i open it to see ayden's smile, familiar like candy canes on christmas.

"you ready? i can drive," he says, keys in hand.

"alright, love." i take a step back to reach over and grab my keys and wallet from the counter. "let's go."

we eat dinner and have the same comfortable, generic conversations we always have.

the ride home is as it always is, too, and we watch the same shows we always do when we get there, then sleep in the same positions we've grown accustomed to.