illicit affairs | Charlie Barber x Reader

chapter thirty four: time to go

hi, hello, and i'm sorry for keeping you guys waiting for so long. dal has been very very busy but when I saw everyone's heart break or anxiety about the last chapter, I put my lil fingers to work LOL

anyways... if you guys didn't know, the last chapter was inspired by "right where you left me" by t swift. that song always shatters my heart and I thought I could share that with you guys :)))))

well, that's enough of that... i love you and enjoy and tell me what you guys think!

-dalal <3

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That night in Apates impurified you. You were a completely different person when you finally stood from your chair. It began a chasm in your soul, slowly spreading until it took everything around you. The world wasn't the same after that night, even after days had passed. Not even a week was enough time for you to even think about beginning the healing process.

Charlie Barber was the sole destroyer of your life.

The images of Amber and Charlie flashed in your mind. Even through the multiple glasses of wine and many tissues you went through, Apates grew familiar with your pain. There was nothing else you or it would know.

It was like ivy wrapping around your limbs and trapping you at that moment. It festered and spread to wherever the darkness was, hollowing out your chest with the thoughts of Charlie wording "I can't... Not again."

It seemed like you were bedridden, unable to find the motivation to move. Imprisoning yourself in the four walls of your apartment, you wanted to be forgotten by the rest of the world.

Thankfully, you were mostly done with class, refusing to think about a certain essay you had to turn in soon. With the diminishing incentive to get out of bed, you weren't needed on campus anymore. It wasn't like any of your peers would've noticed anyways.

Since you denied yourself time off year after year, you decided now was the time to do it. It was also time to start putting yourself first. You started off by shutting off your phone. The moment Charlie was escorted out of the restaurant, it was your first task after quitting your job at the bar. With graduation approaching quickly, you came to the conclusion that you could afford to have all of your shifts replaced. You didn't need anything else occupying your mind right now. There wasn't enough room for anything else, thanks to a certain professor.

The world was dead to you and vice versa, in need of a few moments of silence. Of course, that was hard to come by, the thoughts swirling in your head crescendoing into something much louder.

The curtains you pulled over your windows helped with your attempt to shut things out, but you never fully succeed.

It was hard for you to lie in bed, remembering all the memories you shared with him. Tossing and turning only reminded you of all the times you heard his laughs and sounds of pleasure. It echoed in your mind, shivering down your spine in a painful reminder. You couldn't even take one step into your apartment without thinking of him.

No matter where you turned, Charlie was there. In the kitchen, making plates of food for you. On your couch, running his hands over you and whispering praise into your ear. In your bathroom, nursing you back to health after a night of hell.

After you took off the locket around your neck, your skin burned with the memory of his initials carved into it. The theater ticket and museum postcard on your fridge were long gone, but they still reminded you of your stupidity. What really made you feel like a fool was that you couldn't come to terms with throwing those items– along with everything else that reminded you of Charlie– out. No matter how strong you thought you were, that tiny little box hiding in your closet was there to remind you of your failure.