𝑫𝑰𝑨𝑴𝑶𝑵𝑫// 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑹𝑨𝑫 𝑭𝑰𝑺𝑯𝑬𝑹¹

𝘛𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘷𝘦

☾

After my conversation with Conrad, I went for a walk along the beach so I had time to think about everything. Do I even want whatever is going on with us to continue? Obviously, I have feelings for him but he's still with Nicole and I feel so bad, and I still have something going on with Dylan. I can't expect Conrad to drop everything he has with Nicole for me but he can't keep talking to me like this and getting my hopes up that we could ever be more again

I know that he still loves me but maybe it's just the kind of love you get when you feel that attention from someone you never want to go away. Maybe the love he feels for me isn't real anymore and it's just that he will always know I'll be there for him and he'd never expect me to let go of that.

I got pulled out of my thoughts when I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket, I pulled it out to see who it was and Dylan's name read across the top of my screen. I clicked the green button and held my phone up to my ear

"Hey," He says on the other end "Hey, what's up?" I say confused as to why he called me "Is it still cool if I come tonight?" He asks "Uh, yeah but we might have to sleep on the couch because Belly's dad is sleeping in my room and Conrad isn't going to Nicole's," I say a bit worried that he won't come now that I said that

"Oh, what if we just stayed at my place?" He asked "I could come pick you up whenever you wanted,"

"oh, okay. Yeah, I'll text you," I said before hanging up, I think I know what I need to do. Even if it means hurting me, it'll benefit both of us.

☾

It had been a couple of hours and it was finally getting darker so Jeremiah and Steven went down to the beach to set off fireworks and Conrad and I went down to the dock to watch them. We sat in silence for a few minutes until I decided to speak up

"I won't be staying here tonight, I already let Susannah know," I say while not looking at him "Where are you going?" He asks with confusion lacing his voice

"Uh, I'm gonna... Spend the night at Dylan's," I say while turning to look at him slightly "Are you serious?" He asks and I can tell he's upset

"And I think we need to talk," I say while looking down so I didn't have to see how he reacted, "I think that whatever is going on between us should stop," I say while still looking down

"What do you mean?" He says, I already know he knows what I mean "We should stop being flirty, stop having deep talks about how we will always love one another, It feels wrong." I say while meeting his gaze

"You can't tell me you're doing this because you have true feelings for Dylan," He scoffs while rolling his eyes "Conrad, You are basically with Nicole. You have feelings for her and you told me that yourself, I need to put myself first for once and stop letting you play with my fucking feelings," I say annoyed

"I'm not playing with your feelings?" He states "You are though. Do you even realize half the shit you say to me? How that even if you have feelings for Nicole that you will still love me, do you know how messed up that is?" I ask leaning on the rail that overlooked the water

"If I was talking to a guy and he was talking like this with his ex I'd be upset about it, very upset. I understand how Nicole feels now, I finally considered her feelings. She truly likes you, Con. Don't mess it up just because you like the attention I give you," I say while putting a hand on his shoulder

"But Tate, you are my first love, a part of me is never gonna let that go. She's just gonna have to deal with that." He says while shrugging his shoulders "She shouldn't have to deal with it, You should be open with her that you like her and you still value the time we spent together not that she will amount to me. Because you know how exhausting that is? Never feeling good enough for the people you love? I bet she feels like shit anytime she sees us together," I say

"Conrad, you are making her feel like she's never gonna be enough for you and no woman should ever have to feel that, It's so wrong for me to allow you to let her feel like that." I say annoyed and upset "Tate, come on." He says while stepping closer and I take a step back

"Conrad, I'm serious. No more stolen kisses or glances across the room, it's over. Give yourself to Nicole, please stop making her feel less than she is because it's annoying and I know what it feels like to never be enough for you." I say while looking him in the eye

"The summer we dated, you had all these girls around you; pretty girls, trying to get your attention and I hated every second of it. I was constantly comparing myself to them and I shouldn't have been doing that, I know you weren't purposely making me feel that way but you are with Nicole and the pain she must be feeling is 10 times as much as I was feeling that damn summer," I say taking more steps back and putting the palm of my hand on my forehead

"Tate, I didn't know you felt that way..." He says still trying to be closer to me "Why would you have? You were having a perfect summer with all the attention you were getting and sometimes it truly felt like you were forgetting about me..." I say while looking down

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks "because I thought if I told you that it would ruin your summer and your mom told me that this was the first summer in years she had seen you truly smile and I knew it wasn't because of me," I say with tears threatening to fall from my eyes

"Tate, it was because of you, I had never been happier than I was that summer," he says while grabbing my hands "I fell so in love with you that summer,"

"No, stop. This is what I'm talking about, we can't do this. I mean it, Conrad, it's over, we can be friends but that is it." I say before walking away from him and pulling my hands out of his "I can never just be friends with you," He yells as I walk away and a firework goes off.