Let Them Eat Cake !

Murder Most Festive!

Christmas entered the Dance household with a bang, or rather a dull thud as the seven foot Christmas tree swayed precariously, tottered a bit, took a swing to the left, then a shudder to the right, got it's branches in a twist, and the lights wrapped tight, one last rustle to drive it to its end, timewarped, then dramatically flung itself to the dogs.

Well, not exactly flung itself, it was definitely encouraged more than a bit by two laughing children and their partners in crime, Millie and Scamp the Labradors.

"Uncle Nick, Uncle Nick, Joe pulled the tree over, Uncle Niiiiiick"!,.

"I did not, Jazz you liar, Uncle Niiiiick!".

As Nick appeared through the door he was met with a pitiful sight, the poor Christmas tree, cruelly slain, breathing its last, spilling its guts all over the living room rug.

Murder most festive and the murderers?, hiding behind the sofa, each clutching a dog.

Which to be fair, is a good place to hide in theory, but in practice?, No!.

Specially when the perpetrators in question have a fit of the giggles and their canine companions have tails like baseball bats, that when constantly wagging make a sound reminiscent of a bass drum on the back of the sofa.

Signing heavily Nick muttered a curse to the heavens as he rolled his eyes skyward, with a wry smile he walked over to the large sofa and sat down.

"Weeeellllll, this is a to do isn't it", putting on his best Sherlock Holmes voice he huffed, "we have a crime scene, a body, but noooooo evidence!", hmmmmm, I guess I'll have to call on my able assistant Dr Watson".

Springing from the sofa he went to the door and shouted, "Steeeeeve, assistance please!".

He could hear the children giggling and whispering to each other as Steve appeared by the door, "what's up love?".

Pressing a finger to his lips Nick pointed to the mess and the sofa, indicating to Steve to listen, Steve smiling in understanding.

"So, Doctor Watson, I Sherlock Holmes require your able assistance in solving this very very tricky case of murder....... most festive"

Grinning from ear to ear as Steve stifled a laugh and followed him into the living room surveying the damage, Nick sighed heavily mimicking smoking a pipe in true Sherlock Holmes fashion.

"We have...... The body", he waved his hand with a flourish, "to wit, one Norwegian Spruce".

Steve followed behind taking up the game stopped , clutched his chest, gasped and whimpered.

"Ah alas poor Sprucey I knew him well.... Horatio", he added the last word, laughing at Nicks expression at his savaging of literature.

"It seems", he added, that we have a clue my dear Holmes", he picked up a tennis ball and pretended to inspect it with an imaginary magnifying glass, "hmmmm teeth marks, what foul beast are we dealing with here?".

"Aha, another clue", Nick, thoroughly enjoying his little play, picked up a chewy dog toy.
"Teeth marks again!" he scratched his chin theatrically squinting his eyes and smirking over at Steve.

"Aha, I HAVE IT", he shrieked, making Steve jump and shoot Nick a sideways glare.

"I see Holmes, it must beeeeeeee, a hungry.......tennis player", Steve shouted in a plummy voice grinning as the laughter from behind the sofa got louder, the thumping of the dog tails muffled by the carpet.

"No no no my dear Doctor Watson, this looks like the work of that infamous duo....."Millie the Mole and Scampi the Squib, dun dun daaaaah!".

Steve laughed loudly, "Millie the Mole and Scampi the bloody squib?, what the hell Nick?, Sorry.....Mr Holmes".

"Yes yes indeed, and their minions, Jasmine and Joe the Jolly Japesters!"

Nick was shaking now holding in his laughter as Steves face contorted, desperately trying not to cry, shoulders shuddering in mirth.

"J-j-japesters? Hahahaha", Steve laughed loudly then coughed to clear his throat, still huffing and giggling he continued.

"I seeeeeee, ANOTHER CLUE!", he shouted right in Nicks ear making him jump this time holding a hand to his heart, "bloody hell Watson you scared the bejeesus out of me", Nick chuckled.

Strolling across the room in his very best important way picking up strands of fallen tinsel that trailed right from the tree to the sofa, and behind it Steve brandished the offending articles dramatically.

"Holmes, look, they dropped their swag along the way", Steve drawled.

"Very good Watson, let us follow their trail", Nick said importantly.

The laughing behind the sofa was way too loud not to noticeable now, as the children popped their heads up over the back giggling as they watched their uncles marching around the room, bent over, holding imaginary magnifying glasses, following the trail of tinsel and discarded decorations.

Steve looked up suddenly at the kids, nudged Nick and said loudly, "THERE, THERE THEY ARE!, the foul fiends, let's catch them Holmes, call the black mariah!".

"I'll get them Watson", Nick fake slow ran Captain Jack Sparrow style over to the sofa, taking the childrens hands in his theatrically pulling them out from behind it, kids and dogs tumbling out in a shower of tinsel, glitter and baubles.

"Ah good work Holmes, let's get them to prison and be home in time for coffee and jaffa cakes!".

Steve was laughing hard, so was Nick, so were the kids as the dogs jumped about with the excitement scattering detritus even further.

"Aaaaaahhh that was fun", Nick sighed, Steve, still laughing sat down on the sofa with the kids.

"Hey seriously though guys look at this place!", Steve sighed as he gave the kids a serious look, Jasmine and Joe looked guilty.
"Sorry uncle Nick, sorry uncle Steve", Steve just sighed, "take Millie and Scamp home kids, but you have to come back and help me and Mr Holmes here clear up this mess, ok?!".

The kids nodded and disappeared, dogs following, dropping glitter and sparkles all down the hall to the front door.

Minutes later they reappeared dog free but followed by Connor, as they entered the living room they scuttled behind the young man, peeking out looking guilty.

"Hey Dad, hey Nick, heeeeeyyy what happened here?". Connor laughed as he entered the room, "looks like cyclone Labrador hit the room, am I right?".

Steve and Nick just laughed, "yep, and the Jolly Japesters behind you", they pointed round to Jazz and Joe.

"Right", announced Connor, "I've got gifts in my bag here, and I don't know whooooo is getting these on Christmas Day?", he scratched his chin, "but I don't think it will be theeeeese Jolly Japesters", he pointed a finger at each child in turn.

"Awwwwwww please, please, please!" Jazz and Joe pleaded woefully coming out from behind his legs.

"Hmmmmm maaaaybe, if..... they clear up this mess and put poor Mr Spruce here back together", Connor put on his very best 'i am really annoyed' face as the kids looked at the floor.

"Come on you two".

Nick and Steve just looked on open mouthed as Connor set his bags aside, picked up the tree setting it back in its place as Jasmine and Joe got to work.

"You've got a real way with those two, they love you" sighed Nick as Connor joined them watching the kids redress the tree.

"They're great kids, I'm just happy they've accepted me", the lad smiled at Steve, "and you too Dad", Steve reached out and hugged his son.

"Now come on", Nick chucked lowly, "let's leave them to it".

The trio wandered off into the kitchen leaving the children busily reconstructing Christmas.