I wasn't trying to fool anyone.
This road life wasn't built for me.
It didn't matter how many people I killed. It wasn't going to bring Ellie back.
And the fact that it wouldn't bring Ellie back had me kicking and screaming throughout the night, torturing myself for not doing all I could. For not being good enough. My mental health was suffering so fucking much. I was so depressed, and there wasn't any way that I would be able to feel better. Whoever said that money buys you happiness, lied... Because now I could afford private jets, holidays every weekend, flashy cars, fine dining, to buy as many businesses as I wanted...
But I still felt empty inside. Nothing satisfied me.
It didn't feel right, going behind Mum's back. It killed me that I couldn't tell her the truth about who I really was. It killed me that I couldn't tell her the truth about what I'd become. Even though I was able to provide for her now, the way that I was making my money and living felt so fucking wrong. Mum wanted me to grow up to become an educated man, with a successful career, to get out of the hood... But I was still in the hood. I was the crime lord of an illegal enterprise.
I never saw some of my closest friends again.
I never saw Keelan again. Keelan. My fucking brother, who was there for me through thick and thin. I even had to let him go. I didn't want him getting involved in my lifestyle...
The same way Steve didn't want me getting involved in his lifestyle when I was fourteen.
Whenever waves of sadness would hit me, I'd turn to drugs.
Get high, drink until I passed out. I tried anything... any solution that would help to numb the pain inside of me.
And it wasn't right.
It wasn't right.
I was only two weeks away from being eighteen, and I was making my money off destroying other people's lives. I was showing Steve that I was capable of being the kingpin by doing whatever he told me to do.
And it was dangerous.
But I had no choice.
I had no choice.
No choice at all.
This was the life I'd chosen, and now I had to live it.
***
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Mafia Kingpin: A Dark, Thrilling Organized Crime Romance
Mystery / ThrillerA cold and ruthless Mafia Kingpin, "kill or be killed" is what Louis lives by... Until he meets Sarina: a sexy, mysterious woman who turns his life upside down. Follow Louis's journey as he transitions from a young, teenage boy into a mob boss, as h...
