don't leave (l.h)

23.

It was cold in my room that night, when the doorbell rang. Almost too cold. None of the windows were opened, but for some reason I was freezing. Maybe it was the acknowledge of Luke knocking on my door. I couldn't tell until it was me standing on the inside of the closed door and opening it, that I felt the shivers.

When I saw his face now, right in front of me, his look worried and his hair messier than it use to me. I looked around to see if there was a storm, but there was none, so how come Luke looked so tumbled?

We didn't say anything, we just stared at each other, I wasn't sure what I was feeling anymore. Confusion? Maybe a hint of relief, but also somewhat fear. Maybe of why he was so urgent to meet. Why was it so important to see me today? For Gods sake, if Luke were to miss me, why didn't he come earlier? Maybe he just had to calm down, but something said his missing me wasn't the case right now. There was something else bothering him.

"What is it?" I said, folding my arms over my chest. I wasn't sure if I should greet him or even let him in. I didn't want to hurt him anymore, God may know I still love him, for fucks sake, it's only been one week!

"We have to talk." he said, trying to walk past me but i put hand up to protest.

"N-no. Luke. No." that was all I had to say. I wasn't mad at him, how could I? I was the one that left, or had him to leave. I was the source of this mess. I carried the lie that broke his heart, he never meant any harm.

"Just, let me talk to you. It's important."

"I can't Luke. I-I can't look at you!" I felt like every time I looked at him, my heart healed and broke a little more at the same time. Like seeing him made me calm and safe, reminding me of what we had. But it also reminds me from what I did.

"Well, that is your problem not mine." he snapped, taking a hold of my wrist and pushing my hand down. I didn't stop him this time, he had the right to be heard, I guess. "Now we have to talk about our problem."

I nodded, and closed the door. Walking over to him and I sat down on the couch while he was still standing. I didn't bother to offer him a seat, he'd sit down if he liked to.

"So, what is our problem?" I asked, my voice low. I wanted to find out but I was still so nervous of what he might say. I didn't have a clue though, anything he'll say will shock me.

"Something happened, something- something that shouldn't have happened." was all he said. His feet kicked against the floor and it drove me insane only making me more nervous, but I didn't say anything.

"What happened Luke? What did you do?" I asked worried.

"You did it too!"

"What!?" I shouted, I couldn't hold it any longer. "Stop kicking the floor!"

And he stopped, walking closer to me, but didn't take a seat.

"Well, we- we kinda'..." his voice trailed off into a sigh. Hands were brought to his hand, ruffling his hair. "We had sex!" he said bluntly.

My eyes widened. We did what? No, no we can't.I- it all made sense now! Luke was the boy who had used me yesterday in his car. It was Luke.

"I was drunk, Luke!" was all I could get out, I watched him intensely, trying to see if there was any hint of regret in his eyes. There seemed to be none. "How could you do that!?" I shouted when he didn't answer me.

"Hope-"

"How? I am your girlfriend! How can you use me like that when I'm vulnerable, and heart broken? When-" I didn't bother to correct myself, I was no longer Lukes' girlfriend but that didn't give him the right to have sex with me when I in no way had the control to say no!