don't leave (l.h)

third day.

I had no intentions to get out of bed today. My whole body felt too weak to even move, I guess crying can really tire you out. And still I had no idea how much the clock even was, it could be five in the morning or three in the middle of the day. I didn't care to find out. Now that Luke was gone nothing mattered anymore. I just waited for my phone to lit up and reveal a text from him. But this wont happen. It feels like we have already broken up. If this is how it feels now, I can't even imagine how it will feel when it's done.

I heard the door bell ring and I sat straight up in my bed. I swallowed hard, if this was my mom knocking on my -our- door, I had no idea how to respond. I didn't know if I should feel happy, that she came back or angry that she ever left. As a knock followed the ringing sound I decided to get up. What was the worst that could happen? I made my way down the stairs and to our front door. I breathed in -not entirely ready to meet my mom- and opened the door. As the door opened I stared wide-eyed at the person. This was not my mom, nor was it Sarah. It was Drew.

I didn't know what to say, last time I saw him we had an argument. It didn't end that well but worse things could have happened. No one got hurt anyway.

"Sunshine!" he greeted me, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"What to you want?" I asked a little too harsh.

A smirk played on his lips as he stepped inside. He kicked the door shut with his foot."Get out." I told him.

"I just want to talk."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What about?"

"Where's that boyfriend of yours?" he asked suddenly.

I haven't told anyone about this, how could he know. "How did you know?" I questioned. He just shrugged, staring me in the eyes. The smirk was still lingering on his lips. And then, now as I stared at him. At how he was built, the tall boy with the not-so-broad-but-still-broad-shoulders, something clicked in me. It was also that look on his face and his clothes. "It was you." I said quietly. "O-Oh my God. It was you! Wasn't it? Oh God."

"I don't understand, Hope, can you speak more clearly?"

"You." I looked up at him. "You're that guy who spied on us. In the woods and outside my window."

"That was the only times you saw me." he scoffed.

"Oh my God. What do you want?"

He smiled, looking me up and down. Then his smile faded a little. He looked up at me and then down again. It was when I followed his eyes that I realized he was looking at my scars. I hid my wrists behind my body. Not daring to look him in the eyes.

"Really?" he said. "Are you cutting yourself? That's pathetic. I bet it was Luke who drove you to do it."

I didn't know what to say, I didn't have the courage to speak. Like what ever I said he would turn it against me. I Just lifted my head to look at him and when I did I saw that he gotten closer. And he kept on coming closer, causing me to walk backwards. As I hit the wall with my back I knew I couldn't escape.

He stood just inches away and his hands nailed my wrists to the wall, making me twitch at the sudden pain. He leaned in and whispered in my ear. "I've always been like this." he said, I could feel a smile pull on his lips, I could even hear it.

He sank his mouth further down to my neck. I tried to wiggle out of his grip but he just clutched my wrists harder. As his mouth started to brush over the skin on my neck I felt tears burn in my eyes. Slowly he placed a kiss on my neck. One more and one just where my jawline was. He then fell down to my neck again and parted his lips. This is when I started sobbing. The tip of his tongue brushed my neck and then I felt his teeth dig into it. This was not the kind of nibble I felt when Luke did this. This hurt.

"Please." I begged for him to stop as I tried to move my neck away from his mouth. I felt how he started sucking at it and I closed my eyes only to see if it could go away. It didn't. I cried and I just wanted him to get off me. And when it started to hurt I knew this was going to leave a visible hickey. "Please." The tears fell from my cheek like a waterfall and I just wanted to push him off me but I was too weak. Then he stopped, and instead he brushed his fingers over my scars and he leaned in so he could whisper in my ear again. And the words he said made something trigger inside me.

"But since you are going to die anyway." he whispered. "This will be our secret."

And I screamed. I screamed until my lungs gasped for air. I screamed until my throat burned. I even screamed when he had left the house. I fell to the ground. I just screamed like it was the only thing I could do. And when my screaming stiffened all I could do was cry.

The scary thing about all of this was not that he had told me that I was going to die. But that we both knew I will be the one who killed me.

I couldn't help it. This cutting was like an addiction for me. The pain that my open cuts revealed made me feel a certain way. Every time I did it it was like this euphoria came over me, but it only lasted for a mere second. I wanted to feel it longer, that's why I did it more times. But if I ever do it too many, I knew it will hit, and it will hit me so hard I wont wake up. This was the thing that frightened me.

I will be my own murderer.

a/n

guys im rlly emo, this chapter was rlly hard to write srry if it was uncomfortable reading :((

anywayyy i AM BACK! HAH, AND I GOT A NEW COMPUTER FROM MY SCHOOL AYYY!!

luv u :))