don't leave (l.h)

17.

(don't forget to check out my new story: INTOXICATED,,, ily)

The sun had gone to bed now, Luke had too. Outside it was quiet as I sat by my open window. The summer breeze was warming my cheeks and the wind was blowing my dark curls. There was a few streetlights that lit up in the -not quite- dark night. It was summer, so even if the sun was down, it wasn't really down. Because it couldn't quite get fully dark outside, and the sky couldn't quite get fully dark blue. It could only turn into a damp blue shade that wasn't really blue but more of a grey blue. And there couldn't be any stars either since the streetlights took their chance to shine. I looked over the houses that all lay quiet, I was wondering if my mom would come home today or tomorrow or if she would stay gone forever. I had no idea were she was, I wanted to find out, but I knew that the answer would probably hurt. I mostly lived with Luke, this was like our own house. My mom only came home when she had to pay the bills which I didn't really understand, but I never bothered to ask her. I wasn't even sure if she was still working at the same place, or if she'd quit it. I didn't even know where she lived. And it occurred to me that I didn't know a thing about my mom anymore. She had changed so fast, after the divorce. But who am I to blame her, I have done the same. I looked over at Luke who was lying in my bed. The blanket had slid down to his waist and was covering up his body from down there. He didn't wear a shirt, it was too warm. I saw how he moved in the damp-lit-up room and how his chest moved even with every breath he sucked in. I turned my face down and hid it my arms that were crossed over my legs, which was folded to my body. I was so alone.

I had Luke, I knew he understood me, but what will happen when he leaves? And will my mom ever return to be a normal mother again or will I just live by myself forever? I was afraid of the future, but I was afraid of the past too. I had no idea where I lost myself all I knew was that I couldn't find myself anymore. That no one could. There was no trace that lead back to the old me, she was gone. Now I was just this lost and lonely girl whom will never find her way to reality. Because she is trapped in her furious mind that is driving her insane, and she can't stop it. She can't stop it because she has no idea where the source is, or if there even is one. Maybe she is just this lonely girl who always have been lonely since birth only now when people are leaving she realizes that she's the one who's pushing them away. But she doesn't know. And she has no idea if she ever will.

When I looked to Luke again, and saw how peaceful he looked when he lied there with his legs wrapped in my blanket I walked over to him. I sat down next to him on the bed and then leaned in. I stroke his hair carefully as I mumbled a song. My voice was low as I sang, almost as a whisper.

When you fall asleep, with your head upon my shoulder

When you're in my arms, but you've gone somewhere deeper

Are you going to age with grace

Are you going to age without mistakes

Are you going to age with grace

Only to wake and hide your face

Luke moved his head just the slightest and I had to stop the singing since I didn't want to wake him up.

When oblivion is calling out your name

You always take it further than I can

When you play it hard, and I try to follow you there

I forgot the lyrics for a moment and smiled to myself of how stupid it was, and then I remembered it again.

It's not about control but I turn back when I see where you go

Are you going to age with grace

Are you going to leave a path of trace

But oblivion is calling out your name