Lies in the Past (Alimentation Series #2)

Chapter 37

"Are you mad at me?"

I was stunned at the question. Those words she used are just facile, infallibly formed to supply a sentence, they are not even harmful in any possible way, but they somehow made me stopped breathing.

When have I ever felt mad about something or even someone? Honestly, I have never known the feeling of being angry. Nothing can angered me. I don't even know if I was capable to hate other people.

When I feel that something is already too much for me, I get irritated and annoyed. But that's all. I can't really be angry and I don't know why I am like this. It's like I'm in control of myself and anger is the last thing I want to feel towards someone.

I looked at her, direct into her beautiful pair of eye. "No, of course." I was trying to suppress my tears from falling. My eyes were tired. I don't wanna cry now.

My mother enveloped my hand with hers whilst smiling, happiness didn't even reach her eyes. I watched her as she slowly brought my hand to her lips and kissed the back of my palm.

"I'm sorry, Harminder..." It was almost a whisper but I could feel my heart breaking. She closed her eyes firmly, like she was in a deep pain. "I'm really really sorry."

I don't know how to react. I don't even know how to say that before she could tell me the truth, I already saw my real father in person when my curiosity got me. I want to tell her that I've led her on but I think I'd rather not.

When I got a call earlier while I was still at Lemonade's house to have a simple dinner with her parents, I immediately went to the hospital and had to leave her family behind. The atmosphere before I leave felt really weird and heavy. I couldn't seem to understand why her father became puzzled after I mentioned my surname. He knows my mother, too.

I was in a hurry, never had sufficient time to ask what was the abashment all about. I would like to ask why does it seems like my mother's name was a big deal, only if I had the share of spare time.

The accident shocked me. Para akong tuliro at namanhid habang papunta sa ospital at nag-iisip kung ano ang posibleng nangyari. I never expected this to happen to them. And if it happened that I went with them earlier and I was not with Lemonade, is there any possibility of this accident happening?

I didn't know which feeling could be addressed right at that situation. Maybe I shouldn't feel happy especially when my friends are still in the emergency room, in the birk of death, fighting for their lives. And I shouldn't be overly frenetic because I might break down.

Hindi ko alam ang dapat kong maramdaman dahil pakiramdam ko alin man ay hindi tama. Nakatulala lamang ako dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang una kong gagawin. My heart's beating so fast in my chest, and the fang of pain was something I can never push away. It stays there.

Naalala ko si Radish. Maghapon niya akong kinukulit sa text kahit nasa klase pa ako. Well, he's always been naughty, but I can't deny that his mischievousness that entire day was different from what he used to. He also repeatedly sent me his random pictures, telling that he had no one to share them with except me.

Radish:

Alam mo ba na hindi ako takot mamatay? Mas takot akong maging pangit.

Only now have I finally realized why he was acting so different. Maybe that was a hint to me that something bad was going to happen to my best friend.

Nakaupo ako sa sahig habang pinipigilan ang sarili kong maging emosyonal, reading his text messages to me for the second time around. Naisip ko bigla na kung mawawala rin si Radish... Sino na ang magiging kaibigan ko? Baka wala nang matira sa 'kin. I don't want to lose him.