Lies in the Past (Alimentation Series #2)

Chapter 3

It was never easy for me. Isang linggo na ang nakalipas pero wala pa rin akong matatawag na 'friends'. I had so much pressure because I feel so out of place anywhere I go. I tried taking the first move, yet it wasn't enough. Kinakausap lang ako ng blockmates ko if I have concerns. Pakiramdam ko tuloy no one wants to be friends with me and they don't like me.

I was having a hard time, mental breakdown and I surely am disappointed of what was happening. It was stressing to sit beside the glass wall of the canteen area, alone and silent. Kitang-kita ko ang bawat estudyante na mayroong sari-sariling company, they were loud and happy. Bakit ako walang ganoon? What's so wrong with me? I can't help but be envious.

Maybe there is really something wrong with me that I am unaware about. My complaints might be shallow, but it is such a big deal to me. Nahihirapan ako kapag wala akong kausap lalo pa at nasanay akong hindi nawawalan ng kasama. Paano ba ako mag-a-adjust? Should I just remain this way?

During my vacant, nagpupunta na lang ako sa library para magbasa. Actually I had a seat work with one of my blockmate the other day. We quickly finished it at kahit pa nakita ko iyon na magandang pagkakataon para maging close kami, naramdaman ko naman agad na nagmamadali siya at ayaw nang tumagal na magkasama kami. We both remained silent while doing the seat work kasi ano pa ba ang magagawa ko kung ayaw niyang tumagal kasama ako? But really, that made me questioned myself more.

"Itigil mo nga 'yan."

Napatingin ako kay Rhianna. She's throwing deadly glares. "Stop what?"

"Iyan! 'Yang pag-o-overthink mo. There's nothing wrong with you, boo." She rolled her eyes. "Having less friends does not mean you are not good enough for other people. Minsan kasi nasa ibang tao talaga ang problema."

Hindi. Ramdam ko talagang nasa akin ang problema. If not, why even a single student can talk to me first? It is that hard to approach me? Hindi naman ako snob. I won't disregard them if they talk to me.

"How are you sure that the problem isn't on me?" This is really stressing. Is this even worth stressing myself for? "No one wants me, boo."

"Look, kung nasa iyo ang problem, then why do you have Harminder? Why are you surrounded by your artist friends? Madami kang kaibigan, Lemonade. Mag-focus ka na lang sa kung anong mayroon ka ngayon and please, don't ever think that no one literally want you because I am here, I want you! I like you because you are you!"

Tumungo ako sa table habang nakasimangot. Okay, I appreciate her and I do understand her. Of course she likes me because we're already we. I was surrounded by celebrity friends also because I have worked with them before at sila ang madalas kong nakakasama. Pero iba kasi 'yong kaibigan na lagi kong nakakasama sa school at iyon ang kailangan ko.

"Bihira ko lang makausap si Harminder. We don't see each other that much too kasi ang layo ng department ko sa kaniya. We also have different schedules."

"Oh, e, ano naman? At least he is your friend. Iyon naman ang importante, 'di ba?"

"You don't get my point kasi, e. Whatever, Rhianna. Matutulog na ako." Sinuot ko ang tsinelas para iwanan na siya roon sa living room mag-isa. Hindi ko rin naman maintindihan ang pinapanood niya. I don't feel offended actually. Hindi ko lang gusto na hindi niya maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko.

"Hoy, ligpitin mo muna itong plates mo rito! Kapag naapakan ko 'to saka ka magagalit kesyo hindi mo na maipapasa kasi pangit na, need mo na ulitin!"

I went to my room and closed the door. Humiga ako sa kama at nag-scroll sa social media accounts ko. I don't know but since Paloma have known the news about me not considering the renewal of my contract, she started loosing our contact. Hindi na niya sinasagot ang messages ko at kapag tumatawag naman ako palagi niyang sinasabi na busy pa siya. She's my first ever friend sa showbiz.