Lies in the Past (Alimentation Series #2)

Special Chapter: Saavedras

“Are you ready?”

I held and squeezed her warm palm, trying to get some courage because I feel really nervous and I don’t honestly know how to settle. “Mom, I’m scared.”

This is the day my father have decided to introduce me to his family. There is no way this won’t happen, he said. So even though I was yet not completely ready, I needed to, and I have no other choice. I had to calm myself down even I can feel my heart beating so loudly in my chest.

Mom put her arm over my shoulder with genuine smile plastered on her face. She looked emulative in her skinny jeans and cream turtle neck. She was just this simple but beautiful.

The smile should’ve served its purpose-to make me feel at ease. Unfortunately, my mother’s smile didn’t give even a smallest help.

“I’m here, Harmy...” She whispered using her soft, controlled and warm voice. “Kasama mo ako. Magkasabay natin itong haharapin.”

Suddenly, I wanted to cry. I wanna get emotional because during the time I couldn’t seem to calm the chaos within my troubled heart, Lemonade would be always by my side to brush my hair with her fingers until I am at peace.

Whenever she feels how much I couldn’t take care of my own emotions anymore, she knows what she needs to do. Pero ngayong wala na siya... wala nang gagawa. My mother has not been really observant when it comes to me and ever since I grew up, she turned barely had idea of know how to calm me down, dahil si Lemonade lang naman talaga ang nakakaalam kung paano.

It feels strange to not have her with me when I’ve been needing her comfort. And it still hurts that she had to leave without saying anything. It’s painful that I had to continue my life opposite to how I’ve imagined it would be.

Dati, gusto ko lang makilala ang father ko. I wanted to feel what other people called ‘father’s love’. Gusto ko siyang makilala at makasama. Pero kung kailan maayos na at unti-unti nang naaayos ang buhay ko, saka naman nawala si Lemonade.

And maybe... that’s how life truly works. We lost someone very important our heart wanted to care for in order to welcome a new one. People are not meant to stay forever with us. Dadating sa punto na may kailangan umalis.

Masakit lang dahil si Lemonade pa ‘yon. It’s hard to wake up every morning, realizing that I wouldn’t get a sweet good morning message from her. She wouldn’t text me goodnight, and certainly not going to remind me to eat lunch.

Umaasa ako na isang araw... magigising ako na nakabalik na sa dati ang lahat. I was hoping that she’d text me again and tell me she was just fine, and I shouldn’t be worried because nakabalik na siya.

Pero sa nagdaang isang buwan na wala man lang siyang paramdam, naiisip ko na rin na baka ayaw na niya talaga. But how can I possibly accept that without feeling hurt at all? Kasi... naiisip ko pa lang na may haharapin akong bagong bukas na wala siya, nahihirapan na akong makatulog.

It was her all I think about. I’m scared for her safety, even though I knew how much of a strong person she was. The thought of her being in danger got me overthinking. Gusto ko siyang hanapin, pero hindi ko alam kung paano ko gagawin.

Pareho kaming napatingin sa taong pumasok sa kung nasaan kami ni Mom. He had chills across his face, wearing a serious expression and I literally have no idea if he was just really like this. I often smile, and he doesn’t. Kahit halos pareho lang naman kami ng mukha, magkaiba pa rin talaga kami.

And that person was my father.

“Is... everything okay?” He carried himself nonchalantly inside the room. It feels small now that he was here. “Harminder...”