what's out there ( a poetry story )

the boy from work

you might think this is funny,
because,

it is

it all started a year ago,
when i decided to say
"fuck it"

he's not coming back,
go find someone else

go have

fun

when i first walked in,
i was looking around

it was huge,
something you see in a movie set up

i looked at this one boy,
dreads in his hair,
he wore glasses sometimes

i knew i knew him from somewhere

the last day,
i pushed myself to talk to him again

but,
i couldn't remember why i stopped in the first place,

but then,
i remembered

i'll get into that a bit later

i told him,
i would love to get to know him more,
we should "hang out"

and that's one of the mistakes i made

he then invited to over,
i am already insecure with myself,
so i didn't really know what to expect

it was really hot outside,
i took 2 buses to go and see him

he wanted to stay at his place,
so i just agreed cause i wanted him to be comfortable

but i guess,
i wasn't

again,
i haven't done this in 3 years,
the one i called d was behind bars and out doing drugs with jay,

how could i ever replace d?

i always said,
it's us against the world

3 years later,
i still feel stuck

this boy,
kind of brought it out of him

he asked me if i ever done drugs before,
and i look at him like

"why in the world would you ask me that?"

that's something my ex did

he was a basketball player,
football player

he was tall,

just like devonte

i think you know where i'm going with this

you can say i am wrong for this,
and because it is

i saw devonte in him,
and that,
that is not healthy for me

he put on a movie,
i laid with his arms around me

prolly one of the first times i actually wanted to be touched,
because,