what's out there ( a poetry story )

the rocks on my shoulders

today,
is a new direction,
something just switched,
as i'm writing this,
i feel like i am letting go one of the heaviest rocks i've ever carried,

you,
you ruled my world for years on end,
and i can never figure out a way out of your world

i collided with your life,
who you were

you brought me back to life when i never thought i would be numb for the rest i'd my life,

you made such a big impact on my life,

more than you should of

when i say,
i'll never forget you

i mean it

when you feel lonely,
i will be here

and,

i mean it

i can't keep carrying you anymore,
my shoulders are breaking

you are ripping me apart

piece
by
piece

dev i'm breaking

you're happy,
and this is something that you've been wanting since you were young

we both met,
at the stage or our life where we both struggled

i related to you,
and i never met you in my life

i love you,
always have

and that says a lot

i thought of you also as a best friend

i don't know what i was to you,
but,

i know what you were to me

you'll probably be the death of me,

and,

i'm not ready yet

i've been in my head for years,
i let anxiety and overthinking win

i'm gonna change that

if only you knew,

baby,

i'm telling you

maybe things would have been different,

but i kept my mouth shut for 3 years

cause,

"she this"
"she that"
"no that's not true"

the list goes on

i know the truth,
and i finally accepted that it's okay for others not to believe me

i don't need them on my side,

i don't need you on my side

you're not healthy for me,

you're perfectly wrong for me

i just don't know what the reason for you is yet

if it's not you in this life,
then another

i don't understand this myself,
but i pray that you find what you were always looking for

and just know,
i'd fall for you,
walk on hot coals for you

i'd die for you d

nobody will ever have a place on my heart
the way that you sit there

your voice rings through my head,
i spin with every thought of you

it lingers down my spine,

you were my edward,

someone who i confided to,
and reassured me he'll never leave,

and devonte,
you did

i remember,
cause why would your voice run thru my head every second or the day

this is my goodbye,

i need to live,
and right now,

i'm not living

i'm suffering

it's my turn to be happy now,
it's my turn to find the one

i hope you love her d,
i hope you promised to love her like you promised to never leave me

i don't know what god is trying to tell me,
but one day,

i'll know

goodbye d,
i'll love you forever