what's out there ( a poetry story )

7th grade

a song could have many memories,
some good,
some bad

i remember being 12 years old,
7th grade,
this nerd that was bullied when she did absolutely nothing

when she was herself

it wasn't enough

pretty hurts,
by beyoncè

i remember leaving class to sit in the bathroom stall and ball my eyes out to that song because i thought i wasn't good enough

for me,

for anyone

i remember getting undressed to take a shower snd looking at my reflection in my mirror and i would just start sobbing

no one should ever feel like that

not even a 12 year old little girl

i hated myself more than anyone has ever hated me

i was my biggest bully

what they didn't see,
what was happening in my head

i pretend to be fine,
but i was dying inside

i would fake sick days,
leave class to cry and come out smiling

till grade 12

those days i never wanna relive again

i was not happy with myself

bullied,
drugged
gossiped about

having guys grab me at school

having people spit in my hair in class

list goes on

i'm damaged and will have those memories forever

and no one deserves to be treated like that

especially starting at such a young age

i'm numb about it,
but flashbacks hit there and then

and let me tell you,
it's like i'm there again

it hurts