The 100 - Just one life more!

25: Anya

A/N: I'm back, bitches! I mean, it has been long enough. This chapter is separated from the plot. It is a little backstory to Anya, to who she is and how she feels, since we get almost no information about that in the show. I wanted her to have similar values to Lexa, since she was Lexa's mentor, and be more involved with her own feelings than Indra or god forbid Titus. This is the result:

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TW: Loss

She killed this girls lover. Of course she had to do it, but seeing her broken...
Anya didn't enjoy the killing. She tried to avoid it whenever possible. But she was a general in the army of Heda. Some people just assumed she liked killing. They were fools. How could she ever. She took lives and thus destroyed so many more. She had taken so many mothers, fathers, keryon raunons (Soulmates) from their families, friends, lovers. And now she had taken one more. It shouldn't even matter to her. Hodnes laik kwelness. Love is weakness. But she cared. She had always cared. Seeing this girl so broken hurt her heart and she fell back into her own memories.
She was young. Maybe five or six winters old, when guards knocked on their door. They were dressed in official armour, indicating their stand. They were official messengers of Heda. This Heda was new and inexperienced. Only a year prior Sheidheda had fallen and now this Heda had to deal with the chaos Sheidheda left. All the wars, burned bridges. That was why her father had to fight. He was a gona (warrior) in Heda's army and now the messengers would tell Anya and her mother, that their father and husband would never return, that he had fallen on the battlefield against Blue Cliff Clan and Shallow Valley Clan.
This night her mother had to hold Anya and Anya had to hold her mother. Both cried. Silently. This loss would leave a hole in this house, that could never be filled. This night her mother sang to Anya. In the years that followed, the memory of her father got less and less, so her mother started to tell Anya stories about him and Anya told her mother what she remembered of her father. Over the years the stories grew into one big tail. And if Anya ever felt lonely she told this story. Every time she was hurt. If she told that story she could feel the travelling soul of her father closer to her. This story always gave her strength, the memories and love she felt for her father helped her get through everything. And with every day the pain numbed more. Other people came into Anya's life. And when she was fifteen she lost a person. Her mother died. She was in the woods, when Pauna attacked. She was way out of her usual hunting ground, so her mother was surprised by her. Anya never saw her mother again. What remained of her was burned and her soul was released. After that Anya fell into a deep hole. The darkness around her grew thicker and thicker. She went away with her amin (master). This is how she got to Polis for the first time and that is where she found love for the first time. However, it didn't last forever and after she finished her training she left and went to TonDC. She sometimes visited Polis and her old amin, but she never forgot what she found in Polis. Love. It had been most precious to her. Love had saved her from a very dark place. And she would never forget that, she swore to herself.
However, in one late summer, a rider form Polis came to TonDC. A young girl, a nightblood was found and Anya's old amin was asked to train her, but they were old and sick, so Anya took on the challenge of taking this nightblood on as her second. In the beginning they travelled a lot between Polis and TonDC. In Polis the young girl had trining with Titus and the other nightbloods, the rest of the time she was almost like a normal second. Anya's second. And while Titus always taught, that love was weakness and to be Heda was to be alone, she taught this young girl, that love could also be strength. And one day, her second didn't come home alone. She was in love. And despite everything Titus said, she fought for her love and it seemed like nothing could ever come between them. But it did.
The old Heda had fallen and Lexa had won the conclave, but soon she realised how much danger Costia was really in. The Azgeda Queen Nia broke Lexa. And Lexa stopped believing in Anya's teachings. She still cared for her people, but she would never allow herself to feel love ever again. Anya couldn't get her out of it. And soon they were less and less together. Anya was now a general and she took a new second. She slowly moved on and accepted that she had lost the Lexa she once knew. She had now become the commander. Heda. They were still close, but now Lexa asked for political advise. Feelings were nothing to talk about anymore.
And then this Skypeople came. Heda had to make difficult decisions and Skaikru too her second away. But in the end violence just answered violence. Anya was able to see through her own pain. See the other side. After escaping the mountain she realised once again, the true enemy was not Skaikru. It was not the children that dropped to earth. It was the mountain. The suffering between Skaikru and Trikru had to end. Skaikru had taken so much from her, but so had she taken a lot from Skaikru. The girl, Raven, had taken Tris from her, she had taken the boy Finn from her. This could not continue. She realised this fully when Raven collapsed in her arms. It reminded her of herself and of Lexa. Without thinking she told the tale, that always comforted her. The tale that said more than anything else, love is strength. Feelings are valid. You need the people around you and they never truly leave you. That was what Anya believed in from the bottom of her heart. And maybe she could help the suffering of this broken girl. She knew she had to try. And she would...