one girl. one past.

BAD COMPANY

He checks on me several times but leaves the room several times. After a hour he pulls a chair in the room and sets it in front of me and walks out of the room and comes back with two plates of food "no heck no not happening i told you i already ate" i say pushing the food away "look you need to eat you don't need to lie I've been where you've been and the sooner you get better the sooner i will leave so please eat or i will feed you" he says putting the food back in my face i grab it in anger and start to slowly eat as my stomach starts to twist it was telling me if i ate i was going to look ugly and jake would never want me again i swallow hard to that thought "please don't cry I'm only trying to help" he says looking at me with sadness as i realize i was crying i quickly hide my face in my covers dropping my food "I'm not crying i just have alergys" i say he picks up the food and takes the cover to wash it and hands me another one "please just eat" he says leaving the room and coming back with another plate of food i get about half way through then shove the plate at him "no more" he grabs the plate and takes it to the kitchen i hear him do some dishes then come back i lean up with my head to my knees and look at him "you don't have to do this" i say to him "i want to i like helping people and you need help" he says "why" i ask him holding back tears "why what" he asks "why would you help me i mean I'm not worth helping I'm not going to change" i say to him "why not" he says with a almost smile. Weeks turned into months i started getting stronger Jessie came by to check on me a lot he didn't like the idea of josh staying with me cause i didn't know a thing about him and he didn't talk about it. I didn't come out of my apartment and cutting became a craving i would wake up searching for something anything sharp i would cry every night knowing I've lost jake i didn't let josh see i was sad but it seemed he always knew and wanted to help but i didn't want the help i didn't want to be alive i wanted to give up i wanted Jessie to let go and let me die that night but no i had to live and fight and fail.