you're my one and only ; yeongyu

26; the end of an era

it was probably heaven's will when beomgyu's schedule was completely cleared and he had the whole day off, and that day was also the same day of yeonjun's dance evaluation. beomgyu thought of surprising yeonjun, but suddenly grimaced at the thought of being surrounded by sweaty seniors, and settled on staying at the apartment to do some studying before yeonjun came home.

as expected, beomgyu saw yeonjun making his way back to his own house from the window, and he raced downstairs to greet him.

"hyung!" beomgyu squealed and leapt onto yeonjun, the older letting out a surprised yelp at the sudden impact.

"how was it?" beomgyu asked, eyes gleaming with so much joy. the older ruffled beomgyu's hair and ushered him inside yeonjun's house, and he made beomgyu sit down on the couch.

"i'll tell you after i take a shower, i'm really sweaty now." yeonjun said, winking playfully at beomgyu and the younger just nodded happily, just seeing yeonjun made his day ten times better than usual.

yeonjun quickly ran upstairs to get his towel and the first piece of clothing that he saw before dashing to the toilet. he turned on the tap, and let the cool water run down his body.

should he break up with him now?

yeonjun didn't know what to do, and he grabbed some body soap and scrubbed his body with it, the stupid naggy voice at the back of his brain yakking at him.

"no matter how many times you scrub yourself, you'll always be a dirty dirtbag, you'll always be someone who is about to ruin his boyfriend's life."

during days when yeonjun was optimistic, he chose to ignore the voice, but on less optimistic days, he let his mind wander, and he let it consume him as a whole. sometimes he will succumb under the voice in his head, and he'll crawl into a little ball and face the wall, rocking himself as he would reflect.

now, he just stood in the shower, staring blankly at the running water.

"not moving now huh? pathetic."

yeonjun pushed the voice aside, washing away the remaining soap on his body.

"ignoring me now? isn't that what you always do? ignore and run away, as if that's going to solve the problem."

yeonjun walked out of the shower, this time guilt was pulling at his heart—heavily.

"i am not running away." yeonjun said out loud, staring at himself in the mirror.

"oh, you sure are. you know, you're a really smart person, but yet when it comes to relationships, you're a total dumbass."

yeonjun's reflection seemed to be taunting him, and yeonjun could swear that he saw his reflection smirk at him.

"i'm not a dumbass." yeonjun said, trying his best to sound firm, but his voice wavered, and he sounded as if he was trying to convince himself more than trying to assert dominance.

"you see? pathetic."

yeonjun doesn't say anything, still staring at his reflection.

"be a good boy and go downstairs, and tell that poor choi beomgyu that you want to break up."

yeonjun didn't want to, but he had to. he didn't want to think about beomgyu's reaction. he didn't want to see him broken hearted, and torn into pieces.

but he also didn't want to see the dejected look on beomgyu's pretty face when he finds out that he lied to him.

taking in a deep breath, yeonjun put on some clothes and made his way downstairs, heart hammering heavily in his chest.