–––––——————–– BIANA TOOK A deep breath and looked her boyfriend of what— two weeks?— in the eyes. Her heart pounded in her ears. Her chest ached. She licked her dry lips, opened her mouth, and then faltered. What was she supposed to say to Nik? Nothing was coming out. What were words?
As if he could sense her hesitation and anxiousness, Nik reached across the table and grabbed her hand reassuringly. "Don't worry," he told her with an easy smile. "It's all fine, Bia. Say whatever you need to say."
Even though she knew his words were supposed to make her feel better, Biana couldn't help but feel worse. Here she was, leading on her boyfriend and practically emotionally cheating on him, and he was trying to make her feel better.
Nothing could be more fucked up than that.
"I'm so sorry," Biana finally said. She averted her eyes from Nik's face, unable to look at him whilst breaking his heart. She just couldn't handle that whole other level of guilt and shame. "I really am. For— for everything. I know what I'm saying doesn't make sense right now but, please, just let me speak. It'll all make sense soon. Just... I feel so horrid for saying this but... don't hate me? Please?"
"I don't think I could ever hate you."
And the first tear fell from Biana's eyes. "I really don't deserve this, Nik. I don't deserve you. I'm so sorry, but I... I don't have feelings for you anymore. I'm not sure I ever did. All I wanted— when you slid into my DMs— was to take my mind off someone else. I was so fucking conflicted when you started flirting with me, but I wanted to get over T— someone. So I went out with you. And I became your girlfriend. I let you kiss me, let you take me out on dates, but I barely felt anything for you. Because I was still hung up on my ex. And... I can't lie, I still am hung up on him. I've lied to you so much these past two weeks. I've played with your heart. And I'm so sorry about that. I have no excuses for what I did, but I want to finally come clean."
"Oh."
The word Nik said was so soft, barely audible, but Biana heard it loud and clear. She heard the raw pain in his voice. And she had never hated herself more.
"I'm so sorry—" She started again, but then stopped. Her apologies were useless, weren't they? It wasn't going to fix what she had broken— Nik's heart. She stared down at her hands, playing with her fingers.
"I— it's okay," Nik told her.
Biana couldn't believe her ears. Her head snapped up, and her eyes searched Nik's, making sure she hadn't imagined his words.
To her surprise, he was smiling at her softly. "It's okay," he repeated. "I'd take Tam Song over me any day, too."
A startled laugh escaped Biana's lips. "You knew?" She asked softly, shaking her head. "Gods, I'm so sorry."
"It's alright," he offered her a small shrug. "I was here during ninth grade, too. Anyone with eyes can see that you two are meant to be together. I guess I was just... I don't know... hoping for a chance with you. And I got it. It might not have worked out the way I wanted it to but... that's alright. You can't have everything in life, am I right?"
"You are... This is not how I expected you to react."
Nik shrugged once more. "I'm just thankful I'm not getting lead on. Have a good life, Biana. I hope you and Tam work out— I really do. Good luck." And then he stood up, and walked out of the coffee shop.
Biana wrapped her hands around her warm mocha, and sighed to herself. What was she going to do now?
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hehehe. they're finally over, besties. on a scale from 1-10, how happy are y'all?
i am too tired to write a proper author's note but uh please vote/comment and i love u all <333
