Chapter 13

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I was back at my house, getting ready. I really didn't want to do this but I know that if I don't go, Mary would kill me. But I had another idea, a devilish one. I'll be dressed up, a bit too sexy, to make Jacob jealous. I know I'm acting like a child but right now, I don't really care. I went in my wardrobe and chose the sexiest outfit I had.

 I went in my wardrobe and chose the sexiest outfit I had

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I took my phone and left my house. I went in my car and drove to Xolo's house. My hands were sweaty, and I was shaking like crazy. I hesitated for a moment. Should I stay or should I go ? No, if I didn't go, he would win and I sure as hell don't want that. I rang the door and Hannah came and opened it. 

"Oh hi Peyton ! We thought you weren't coming."

"Yeah sorry I'm late but I didn't know if I should come"

"I understand. And don't worry, I won't let you alone with him."

"Thank you Hannah but you really don't have to do this"

"Did I ask for your opinion ? No, that's what I thought." she smiled and so did I. "Now come on in."

I entered and saw the cast plus some friends of Xolo. I spotted Mary and Tanner together and waved at them. I went in the kitchen and grabbed a glass of I don't know what cocktail. I drank it all in once and I could feel the alcohol running through my veins. Don't worry about me, I need to drink a lot more to be drunk. I turned my head and saw him, dancing pretty close with some girl. It felt like I was shot in the heart. Oxygen couldn't make its way to my lungs anymore. I needed to go. It was a mistake, I shouldn't have come. What was I thinking ? Why did I even want to make him jealous ? Why did I have this dream ? Jacob and I weren't a thing and after this night we will never be.

"Peyton are you okay ?" asked Mary when she saw my face.

"I can't breathe"

"Let's go outside"

We walked in the garden and I almost fell on the ground.

"Peyton breathe"

"I can't, Mary, it's starting to hurt"

"Look at me, focus on my voice, listen to my voice and only to my voice. Take a deep breath and exhale slowly."

I took a breath, it still hurt but I tried to focus. I exhaled and did it again twice until I started to feel better.

"Thanks M"

"Now you're going to tell me what happened"

"I don't why I react like this"

"Like what ?"

"I saw Jacob dancing with a girl and I got jealous. It was like my heart broke."

"You love him"

"No of course not" I thought about what she said and maybe she was right. "Or maybe I do. M what am I gonna do ?"

"First breathe because I don't to go through the same thing as five minutes ago"

"But I can't love him. He's my best friend. I can't be with him."

"Why not ? If he's your best friend, it means you get along."

"I think we're forgetting the most important fact which is he doesn't love me"

"You're kidding, right ? That boy is so into you."

"No, if he was into me he wouldn't have danced with this girl"

"You're stubborn, you know that ?"

"Can we stop talking about this ? Please ?"

"Fine. Let's go back inside."

"No, go, I'll stay here for a bit"

"You sure ?"

"Yeah"

She took me in her arms and I hugged her.

"Don't do anything stupid"

"Don't worry"

She left and I sat on the grass. The sky looked peaceful, the stars were shining and the music was a background sound. The little lights were points in this black hole and you could perceive the trees in the horizon but they were almost as darker as the sky. My eyes were trapped, I couldn't take them off this beautiful landscape. It was like I was alone, standing in my dreams with no one to bother me, no problems, no Jacob, just the sky and I. I wished I could stay there but I knew I had to go back, but not now. Now the moment was about me, I needed to be alone.

"What are you doing here all alone ?"

Just hearing his voice got me back to reality. Everything stopped, the sky, the stars, the dream, nothing. I needed some space and he took it away from me.

"Staying away from you"

"Why did I do ?"

"Why are you here ?"

"Because I wanted to see you"

"You seemed pretty preoccupied with that girl earlier"

"So ? I can do what I want, right ?"

"Of course ! Then I can do what I want and stay away from you." 

"Why are you acting like this ?"

"Stop it"

"No, I want to know why"

"I'm not talking to you"

"What have I done ?"

That was it. He had drink a bit and I had one but this was among the alcohol. It was something i kept inside for a while.

"No, Jacob, it's not what you've done, the question is what haven't you done"

"What do you mean ?"

"What do you think I mean ?"

"I didn't do anything !"

"That's the whole problem ! You didn't do anything for three months ! I was alone and I wanted to be with you because you were my best friend ! But you didn't do anything ! And now that you suddenly want to talk to me, I should do it ? I don't think so. I'm tired of this Jacob. I'm not an object you can use when you're bored and then blow off. I have feelings too ! It's not because I don't show them that I'm not hurt !"

It felt amazingly good. All these things I've kept inside of me, I've finally let them out. I feel free, but that doesn't change the fact I'm still angry at him.

"So what am I supposed to do ?"

"Leave me alone" I mumbled before leaving. I hesitated to turn, to look at me and see if he cared but that would make him win.

~~~

I'm really sorry for not posting last week but don't worry it was the last time.

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