A long time ago

Chapter 16

"You didn't think you could go away that easily ?"

Great, I had to see him now ! Like it wasn't enough. 

"I have nothing to say to you"

"Of course you do"

"Okay then, what do you want me to say ? I trusted you, you abandoned me, I think that's pretty clear."

"Peyton for the last time I am sorry ! I try to change but you don't want to listen to me ! I messed up, I know that ! Don't you think it was hard for me too ?!"

As soon as he finished his sentence, his face changed. I knew he regretted but it was too late, it was already done.

"Peyton, I... it's not what I meant... I just..."

"Oh I think we both know that's exactly what you meant. Fuck you Jacob ! Can't you understand that I don't want you to change because I don't want anything to do with you anymore ! Nothing you could say will change the fact that you hurt me ! More than anyone in my life before ! So what do you want me to say ? You want me to say that I hate you ? Fine then I hate you for how you made me feel. Is it really what I feel ? No, of course not because the only ting I can feel for you after everything you've done is that I love you. Happy now ? I love you and I hate me for loving you. I hate myself for being jealous of that girl the other night, I hate myself for sleeping with your sweatshirt and I hate myself for thinking once that you actually liked me."

"You love me ?"

"Wasn't it obvious enough ?"

"Why didn't you tell me ?"

"Because you weren't here ! I wanted to spend time with you to make sure of my feelings but you never responded."

All this time, I didn't dare to look at him in the eyes. That was it, our friendship was destroyed for good. We couldn't go backward and act like nothing happened because it was too late. I ruined everything, like always.

"Well now that it has been said, I'm sorry but I really need to go home"

"Peyton wait..."

But I didn't let him respond. I left the room an ran to my car as fast as I could. Therefore I didn't drive home, I knew Jacob could come to see me but I was too ashamed. I admitted my feelings to him in the most embarrassing way.

~~~

Once I arrived at my destination and knocked on the door, Mary came and opened the door.

"Peyton ? What are you doing here so late ?"

"Mary, I... I ruined everything"

"What do you mean ?"

"I ruined everything"

I took her in my arms and cried on her shoulder. God I needed this. Right now all I wanted was a hot chocolate and the comfort of my best friend.

"Come in, you're freezing"

"Thank you"

"Now tell me exactly what happened"

"Well you know the other night I came home early from the party ?"

"Yes"

"And that Jacob and I talked ?"

"Yes"

"Well it didn't go well. We both got into an argument then I left the party and he went looking for me. He picked me up in his car and because I was freezing he gave me his sweatshirt. We fought again and came back to the party so I could go home. He said he was sorry and was going to change but I said I didn't believe him. He said that it was okay and that he'll gain my trust but I left and went home. But I forgot to give him his sweatshirt back so earlier today I went to his lodge to put it back there."

"Was him there ?"

"No"

"Peyton !"

"I know but let me finish"

"Fine"

"Okay so I put it back there and left to my lodge. I saw Ralph and William which made very happy. Then I shot scenes for the rest of the day until I was exhausted and it was finally over. I went back to my lodge and packed my things but Jacob came and we got in another argument i which I kind of told him I loved him."

"You did what ?"

"Yeah, I think I ruined our friendship for good. There's no coming back."

"Why do you think that ?"

"Because after what I've said we can't pretend like nothing happened"

"Okay but I have a question though"

"I'm listening"

"Did you let him talk ?"

"Well, so, hum, no"

"Peyton !"

"I know, I know, I messed up ! Don't you think I know that ? I just lost my friendship with him forever."

"Don't say that"

"Why not ?"

"Because we don't know if that's actually true"

"Maybe"

"I think you should talk to him"

"Are you sure ?"

"Yes, you will know how he feels and if he doesn't feel the same way then it would be too bad for him"

"Why ?"

"Because he would have lost the most amazing girl in the world"

"Thank you but you're wrong about this one. You're the most amazing girl in the world"

She smiled softly at me and took me in her arms. No matter how life goes, we will always be there for each other.

"Okay now you need to go"

"I know, thank you Mary, see you tomorrow"

"See you tomorrow P, love you"

"Love you too"

I left and headed where I needed to go, Jacob's house.